Connect and Control (Managing Difficult Relationships)

Almost all of us have to grapple with important professional relationships in which 1) the lines of authority are complex and tangled, 2) the emotional signals and other interpersonal cues are hard to decipher, and 3) there's an interdependence between the two parties that can generate both excitement and resentment, depending on the circumstances. One […]

Thank You, Stanford GSB Class of 2012 (A Year In Review)

I've been back at Stanford since January 2007, so the current graduates are the fifth class of MBAs I've had the privilege of working with as a Leadership Coach. I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to get to know 35 people in particular--11 Leadership Fellows and 24 members of two T-groups in the school's Interpersonal Dynamics course, aka […]

Tiny Gestures (and Emotional Bids)

A brief follow-up on the theme of safety and trust I discussed last week: Very rarely (if ever) do we establish these qualities in a relationship in a single dramatic act. Much more often safety and trust are established over a series of interactions through countless tiny gestures. These gestures take the form of one person […]

High-Performance Communication

I'm doing a workshop on High-Performance Communication with the executive committee of the MIT/Stanford Venture Lab, a great organization that supports entrepreneurs and startups. To help the committee members prepare for our session, I've compiled the following series of extracts from my writing over the past few years. Many thanks to the social psychologists, neuroscientists, […]

Five Leadership Lessons

Two weeks ago I began working with my fifth class of Leadership Fellows at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, and this coming week the Fellows meet the groups of first-year MBA students with whom they'll be working this Fall in the school's Leadership Labs.  It's prompted some reflections on what I've learned over the […]

Trust Is An Emotion

I've written about trust a number of times--most notably in exploring how it helps establish a foundation for experimentation and risk-taking, which in turn support change and growth--but nearly 5 years ago I discussed a formula for trust: Trust = Motive + Reliability + Competence In essence this suggests that before we can trust someone […]

Neuroscience, Joyful Learning and the SCARF Model

What conditions best support learning and personal growth? 1. "The Neuroscience of Joyful Education" We can find some answers to this question in the work of Judy Willis, a former neurologist who obtained her teaching credential after a 15-year career in medicine and now teaches at Santa Barbara Middle School and blogs at Psychology Today. […]

Safety, Trust, Intimacy

I've led, facilitated and advised countless groups over the course of my career. (And although this post focuses on groups, the same dynamics apply to our 1:1 relationships as well.) Many of these groups, such as T-groups at Stanford [1] or workshops for founders, were specifically organized to help members learn, become more self-aware, and […]