If you're considering forming a partnership–for a project, a team, a firm or a venture–here are three exercises to complete and an agenda to help you discuss the results. This framework is inspired by a set of questions posed by the great management thinker Peter Drucker:
Most people, especially highly gifted people, do not really know where they belong until they are well past their mid-twenties. By that time, however, they should know the answers to the three questions: "What are my strengths? How do I perform? and What are my values?" And then they can and should decide where they belong. Or rather, they should be able to decide where they do not belong.
INDIVIDUAL PREPARATION (90 minutes)
1. What are my strengths?
It takes far more energy and work to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than it takes to improve from first-rate performance to excellence. ~Managing Oneself
Many personality tests lack validity and reliability, and I employ them sparingly in my practice and teaching. One of the few I've relied upon is the Values in Action Survey of Character Strengths, often referred to as the VIA, developed by Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson.
- Complete the VIA and return to the link below to review Section 7: Making Use of Your VIA Results.
- VIA Survey of Character Strengths
2. How do I perform? What conditions allow me to do my best work?
Too many people work in ways that are not their ways, and that almost guarantees nonperformance. For knowledge workers, "How do I perform?" may be an even more important question than "What are my strengths?" ~Managing Oneself
When we work with people who share our work style it may feel more comfortable, but homogeneous teams can have blind spots and be prone to groupthink. Teams whose members have a diverse range of styles can be more effective if they develop the ability to manage conflict successfully.
- Complete two versions of the worksheet linked below–one that reflects your personal preferences and one that reflects your best estimate of your partner's preferences.
- Work Style Differences
3. What are my values?
To work in an organization whose value system is unacceptable or incompatible with one’s own condemns a person both to frustration and to nonperformance. ~Managing Oneself
A dilemma we face when discussing "values" is that their definitions are highly subjective–and when we arrive at a definition that's true for us, we still have to determine what it means to actually live that value. Here's an exercise to reach an actionable definition of your core values:
- Create a list of words that you think of as values that have some meaning to you. Don't worry about what that meaning is at this point.
- Keep writing until the words stop flowing freely. Don't worry about how many words are on the list.
- Take each word in turn and think of a story that demonstrates that value in action–an actual event you experienced or observed. Don't write out the entire story, but jot down a few notes so that you can readily reflect back upon it.
- Having illustrated each value this way, ask yourself:
- What intrinsic rewards are the result of this value? In what ways does it fulfill me or create a sense of meaning in my life?
- What extrinsic rewards–what forms of status or compensation–am I willing to sacrifice on behalf of this value?
- How important is this value to my self-identity? How different would my life have to be for me to abandon this value?
- Use the answers to these questions to narrow your original list of words down to no more than five–and preferably as few as three. Consider the results your core values.
PAIR (OR GROUP) DISCUSSION (1-2 hours)
(Here's a printer-friendly version of this agenda.)
If possible, share the results of your individual preparation with your partner/s in advance of your pair/group discussion. This will allow you to spend more time considering the implications of these results for a potential partnership. The times below are for a 1-hour pair discussion. Groups of 3 or more should allot 90 minutes to 2 hours.
1. Warming Up (10 minutes)
Presumably introductions aren't necessary, but a warmup exercise can set the stage for a more meaningful discussion:
The Most Important Year of My Life.
- Each person has 3 minutes to answer this question: What was the most important year of my life?
- Note that the question is NOT: What was the BEST year of my life? It's an important distinction.
- After each person has finished, take a moment to acknowledge them and express appreciation for their story, but don't do an extensive debrief or ask further questions at this point.
- Take a few minutes after the last person has finished to discuss the exercise: What was that like? How do you feel as a result? What questions are you left with?
2. Strengths (15 minutes)
- What items among your VIA results would you characterize as "signature strengths"? Your results should inform but not dictate your signature strengths–it's ultimately up to you to make this determination.
- What surprised you in your results? What surprised you in your partner's results?
- In what ways are your respective signature strengths complementary? How might they conflict?
3. Working Conditions (15 minutes)
- What items on your worksheet are most important to you? What items are least important?
- How accurate was your estimate of your partner's preferences?
- In what ways are your respective preferences complementary ? How might they conflict?
4. Values (15 minutes)
- What are your core values? (Again, identify no more than five, and preferably as few as three.)
- Share one of the stories that illustrates one of your core values. If time allows, repeat this step while taking turns.
- In what ways are your core values complementary? How might they conflict?
5. Conclusion (5 minutes)
You held this discussion because you're seeking more information about what it would be like to work with this person. Note that the discussion itself has been a type of "work," and how your partner has participated may provide some useful data.
- What has your partner done over the past hour that made you more interested in working with them?
- What has your partner done over the past hour that made you less interested in working with them?
- What questions do you have about their behavior?
- What feedback would you like to share with them?
- What questions do you have about your own behavior over the past hour?
- What feedback would you like to request from them?
Take some notes in response to these questions now, while the discussion is fresh in your mind. But don't jump into a feedback conversation immediately–take a day or two to digest everything first. And as always, bear in mind that feedback is not a gift–it's data.
NEXT STEPS
Should you decide to work together, bear in mind that even the best partnerships experience difficulties over time, and this isn't merely inevitable–it's desirable. In my experience a "conflict-free relationship" is a sign that people aren't being candid with each other, perhaps because they fear that any conflict will put the relationship in jeopardy–which renders it fragile and unlikely to last. The key is learning how to engage in conflict safely, how to "disagree without being disagreeable," and how to repair when necessary. Here are a further set of readings on building–and sustaining–a stronger partnership:
How to Deliver Critical Feedback
How We Connect (and Why We Might Not)
You Make Me Feel… (On Language and Responsibility)
Authority and Control in Organizational Life
Safety Is a Resource, Not a Destination
The Toyota Production System for Relationships
Whether or Not to Fix a Broken Relationship
Photo by Wil C. Fry.