Locke

Locke

The 2013 film Locke, written and directed by Steven Knight and starring Tom Hardy is a masterpiece–and one that's particularly relevant to anyone who occupies a stressful leadership role.

Most reviews include spoilers that diminish the film's impact, so if you haven't yet read any I recommend avoiding them. (The only exception that I'm aware of is by Ann Hornaday in the Washington Post.) All I knew when I first saw it is that almost the entire film is set inside Hardy's BMW, and he's the only character who appears onscreen, and I'm glad I went in knowing so little.

I don't think it hurts to add that the plot involves profound personal and professional challenges, and that Hardy's portrayal of a conscientious man who's striving to fulfill his obligations is deeply compelling. If you're in the midst of a crisis Locke may not be easy viewing, and yet it's also an opportunity to observe a flawed but sympathetic protagonist facing several crises of his own.

You can stream Locke on these platforms:

 

Superpowers and Shadow Sides

Shadow by John Williams johnwilliamsphd 5137749654 EDIT

My clients often have one or more superpowers. They may be charismatic leaders who readily inspire confidence. Or they may be gifted storytellers who convey a compelling vision of the future. Or they may discern patterns in technical or financial data that escape most people. Or their laser-focus and eye for detail may enable them to catch even the slightest error. Or they may have a seemingly endless capacity for work. The list goes on.

These superpowers have been important factors in my clients' success, and in some cases even form an integral aspect of their identity. But despite the benefits a superpower can confer, they almost always have a shadow side. We see this in most superhero stories–their fatal flaws are invariably intertwined with their incredible gifts. In practical terms a superpower's shadow side can take several forms:

Hubris

One of the earliest "superheros" was Achilles, the greatest warrior among the Greek forces in the Trojan War. According to legend his mother dipped him in the River Styx as an infant, seemingly rendering him impervious to injury. But she held him by his heel, which never touched the mystical waters. Years later, as the Greeks were about to claim victory in Troy, in large part due to Achilles' heroic efforts, he was slain by an arrow that found his one vulnerability. [1]

Today an "Achilles' Heel" might refer to any number of potential flaws or shortcomings, but in all cases there's a degree of hubris that increases the risks they pose. Management consultant and researcher Graham Robinson has studied hubris in business and political leaders and has concluded that it involves "arrogance, unmerited self-belief and self-confidence, an unwillingness to seek or listen to advice, and a readiness to enter domains that are 'the reserve of the Gods,' suggesting a loss of touch with reality." [2]

The antidote to hubris is humility, of course, but that quality becomes harder to obtain the more it's needed. By the time we've fallen victim to our own hubris, it's too late. An important source of humility to cultivate early in our career and sustain over time is a relationship with a trusted ally who can keep us grounded. Robinson describes such a figure as "a mentor, an independent 'friend-at-court,' a jester, or what President Franklin D. Roosevelt referred to as a 'toe-holder'–someone not afraid to tell him when he was going too far." [3]

Other sources of humility that I've seen leaders benefit from include: The study of literature and history, replete with examples of leaders blinded by hubris who paid a steep price. [4] A spiritual practice or religious faith that puts professional success and material rewards in perspective. The transcendence that can be realized through exposure to the wonders of nature and great works of art. And a heightened awareness of mortality, which reminds us of the fleeting nature of this existence and the impermanence of all our accomplishments. [5]

Blindness

Because superpowers are so effective they become the tools we reach for reflexively in the face of difficulties. This works under predictable conditions, but it can break down when we fail to appreciate subtle changes in the environment or are surprised by unexpected circumstances. Then, suddenly, the previously reliable intervention fails to yield the desired result or is actively counter-productive. I first heard this dynamic described years ago by Carole Robin, one of my mentors: Our weaknesses are often overused strengths. The challenge is that repeated reliance on a particular set of tools can blind us to alternatives, and we imagine that those superpowers are our only powers.

The first step toward seeing more clearly is obtaining a greater degree of self-awareness and a keener understanding of our preferences and tendencies. This requires some form of reflection, such as journaling. There's ample evidence demonstrating the value of keeping a journal [6], but in my experience most leaders dismiss the idea because it reminds them of a middle-school diary filled with daily ephemera. The point of a journal isn't to document every experience, but to take the swirling, inchoate thoughts and feelings that accompany a particularly meaningful experience and render them more concrete and therefore easier to examine and recall.

Despite the value of reflection, it's essential to gather data from other sources, most notably feedback from people we trust. We need not agree with the feedback, but there's typically something to learn from it, even (and especially) when we find it disconfirming or uncomfortable. [7] The eventual goal is consolidate our own reflections and feedback from others into a set of observations that illuminate our blind spots and invite us to get out of our comfort zones to expand our repertoire of skills. [8]

Fear

Reflexive reliance upon our superpowers can reflect a lack of perspective or imagination–it simply may not occur to us to employ other tools or to look beyond our current capabilities. But in some cases our dependence stems from fear–it's not that we can't envision other possibilities, but that we're scared to try. We may be afraid of change–psychologist and management theorist Edgar Schein described a important barrier to change as "learning anxiety," and, as I've noted before, when we're in the grip of this emotion "our identity and sense of worth are connected to our current behavior, and [we fear that] change will result in a new (and uncertain) identity or a loss of self-esteem." [9]

We may worry that acknowledging limits on our superpowers is an admission of vulnerability, which is often equated with weakness. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston's Graduate School of Social Work, and a popular author on the subject of vulnerability, offers a different perspective: "The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous… To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness… It starts to make sense that we dismiss vulnerability as weakness only when we realize that we've confused feeling with failing and emotions with liabilities." [10]

Whatever the source of our fears, overcoming them in order to grow less reliant on our superpowers will require a increased capacity for emotion regulation, and to be clear, regulation does not mean suppression. Instead, emotion regulation entails improving our ability to sense, understand, articulate and express our emotions, and we develop those skills by getting closer to our feelings, not by distancing ourselves from them. [11] This enables us to establish a different relationship with our fear, not seeking to suppress it, but no longer allowing it to dictate our choices. At that point we can begin to take some risks, and I'm reminded of some useful guidance from psychotherapist Phil Stutz:

The risk you take has a feedback effect on the unconscious. The unconscious will give you ideas and it wants you to act on them. The more courage you have when you act, the more ideas it will give you. [12]

 


Footnotes

[1] Achilles' heroics (and his hubris) are on full display in The Iliad, and I recommend this masterful translation by Robert Fagles. The story about his heel isn't referenced by Homer, so presumably it was a later addition to the myth.

[2] Because It’s There: Risk, Reality and the 'Hubris Black Hole', page 2 (Graham Robinson, Daedelus Trust, 2017)

[3] Ibid, page 4.

[4] Two of my favorite examples of hubris in literature are Captain Ahab in Moby Dick and Sgt. Croft in Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead. The Vietnam War was an endless display of hubris by American politicians and military leaders–see Neil Sheehan's A Bright Shining Lie and David Halberstam's The Best and the Brightest.

[5] For more on mortality:

[6] The Value of Journal Writing

[7] For more on feedback:

[8] Conscious Competence in Practice

[9] Why Change Is Hard

[10] Daring Greatly, pages 33-35 (Brené Brown, 2012)

[11] For more on emotion regulation:

[12] Hollywood Shadows: A Cure for Blocked Screenwriters (Dana Goodyear, The New Yorker, 2011)

 

Photo by John Williams.

Jennifer Ouyang Altman on “Empty Questions”

Field by Lyza 49546716 EDIT

All too often our questions aren't truly open and honest inquiries. They may be loaded questions, freighted with biased assumptions. They may be leading questions, guiding the respondent to our preferred answer. Or they may simply be statements in disguise, efforts to appear open and honest that are anything but. The problem with these pseudo-questions is that they're never as clever or well-hidden as we think they are. To a respondent they feel hokey and theatrical, like an unwelcome pop quiz with all-too-obvious answers.

My colleague Jennifer Ouyang Altman has some outstanding guidance on how to avoid this and actually convey curiosity: Ask "empty" questions:

Every interaction is an opportunity to become more–or less–connected. You know what people find disconnecting? Perceived manipulation, which is especially offensive in the form of questioning, as if people can't see right through it. Shields go up.

How do we ask better questions? The goal is to be empty. What does that mean? It means releasing preconceived notions of what the answer is, having a relaxed curiosity, swinging freely. It means not forcing an agenda, not trying too hard, not fixing, saving, or correcting.

What kinds of questions stem from being empty?

Empowering questions that don't have a solution stuffed in them.

Stuffed: Should we send an email out?
Empowering: How do we get everyone up to speed?

Expanding questions that develop someone's thinking rather than constricting it.

Constricting: Can you do that?
Expanding: What would it take to do that?

Elevating questions that rise up above the trees to see the forest rather than staying in the weeds.

Weeds: How do we backfill this role as quickly as possible?
Elevating: Is this still the role we need?

Our questions can have the same intention, yet the impact of an empty question is radically different. Rather than ask, Why would we do that?, we can ask: What options have you explored? How did you choose this path? What issues do you see here?

By asking better questions–and truly listening to the response–we learn far more about other people's attitudes, motives, worldviews, values, and emotions, all of which enables us to forge stronger relationships. When I was sick earlier this year, the question that made me feel most heard, valued, and invited was the emptiest: What has it been like for you?

 

Adapted from the August 2023 issue of Jennifer's newsletter (which I highly recommend), with her gracious permission.


For Further Reading

Scott Ginsberg on Asking (Better) Questions

Compasses and Weathervanes (30 Questions for Leaders)

Questions for a New Leader

The Six Layers of Knowledge and Better Conversations

Connect, Reflect, Direct…Then Ask (On Coaching)

How Great Coaches Ask, Listen, and Empathize

 

Photo by Lyza.

The Evolution of the Executive Team

Spiral Stairs by gajman thegajman 5181824896 EDIT

A theme in my work with clients is how to get more leverage. This isn't quite the same thing as productivity, which involves "doing more things," or "doing things more efficiently." Leverage entails understanding the tasks and activities that generate the most long-term value [1], and one of a CEO's greatest sources of leverage is the group of senior leaders who report to them. For consistency I'll refer to this group as the executive team, although the terminology varies across organizations. A CEO's management of an executive team doesn't always feel "productive"–at times it requires an intense focus on a small number of people and issues. But a high-performing executive team will generate a tremendous return on a CEO's investment of time, effort, and attention.

Here I discuss four aspects of executive teams: identity, composition, leadership, and culture. Some change more readily than others, but teams as a whole are rarely static. They constantly evolve to meet the requirements of the business, team members, and other stakeholders. Visible, discontinuous developments, such as the initial establishment of a formal team or a change in membership, tend to happen at periodic intervals, but subtle, small-scale adjustments can occur at any time.

1. The Evolution of Team Identity

What is an executive team's purpose? When should it be formalized? [2]

When a company is founded, calling a group of people the "executive team" (or something similar) is superfluous and even counter-productive. Early-stage employees are attracted by the prospect of working directly for a founder, and founders want to be as close as possible to the work those early-stage employees are doing. An intermediate layer of management between the CEO and other employees at this stage serves no purpose except to reward status-seekers.

Even after the first layers of management have been created, key employees often have information that leaders require in order to make decisions, and the systems necessary to provide that information in the employees' absence haven't yet been built or are technically infeasible. So it's common for early-stage CEOs to defer establishing a clearly-defined executive team with a fixed membership–and yet a number of factors eventually make it necessary.

The effort required to provide thoughtful one-on-one management to employees leads most CEOs to decrease their number of direct reports over time. In part this is because as an organization grows and the people reporting to the CEO become more senior, the CEO provides less direction and more coaching and other forms of support, which can be more time-intensive, not less. Senior leaders are hard to replace, so the CEO needs to remain abreast of (and actively influence) their commitment to the role, which requires a close understanding of each individual's sources of motivation and fulfillment. [3] The formalization of an executive team helps the CEO focus their managerial attention on a smaller number of people and have a greater impact in the process.

This benefits team members not only through their relationships with the CEO, but also through the establishment of a coherent group identity and their relationships with each other. The informal assembly of senior employees that predates a formal executive team lacks an identity–it probably doesn't even have a name–and its membership is fluid and heterogeneous. This renders it more flexible, but it also inhibits the development of psychological safety. Note that a safe environment doesn't mean people are "nice" or indirect–it means that people feel free to speak their minds and that vigorous disagreements can take place without undue distress. [4]

A clearly-defined executive team can enhance psychological safety in several ways. Even when the team includes a range of titles (e.g. C-levels, SVPs/EVPs, VPs), membership confers a shared status, and repeated interactions among members render team discussions more predictable, factors that make interpersonal conflict easier to manage. [5] And the "mere exposure effect" causes people to feel a greater sense of affinity for each other with regular contact. [6] None of this implies that formal executive teams are more harmonious than informal leadership groups–they may well be more fractious, because the members feel safer and thus more comfortable openly disagreeing with each others. [7]

The formal establishment of an executive team is no guarantee of a persistent and healthy team identity, and a CEO has a unique responsibility to ensure that team members maintain a sense of group cohesion [8] and a belief in their collective capabilities. [9] An executive team's identity can shift dramatically as a result of changes in composition, but it will continue to evolve–for better and for worse–through the team's shared experiences and members' behavior toward each other.

2. The Evolution of Team Composition

Who should be on the executive team? How many members should it have?

There's no one right way to constitute an executive team or a single optimal size, but I've observed that teams trend toward an ideal state over time:

  • Everyone who reports to the CEO is on the executive team, and everyone who's on the executive team reports to the CEO. (This does not include the CEO's Executive Assistant, but it may include a Chief of Staff.)
  • The team is large enough to possess the information needed for decision-making, but small enough to build meaningful relationships and serve as an effective decision-making body.
  • The team is sufficiently heterogeneous to provide a range of perspectives and avoid groupthink, but not at the expense of social cohesion or a shared identity. [10]

Leaders I've worked with typically strive toward this configuration, and yet there are many reasons why they fall short or tolerate irregularities. At times the CEO chooses to manage an individual whose role is too narrowly scoped to merit inclusion, or who's too inexperienced to add value in team discussions. In most cases this is a temporary measure, because anyone who's sufficiently senior to be managed by the CEO will eventually agitate to be included. The CEO then faces a choice: Add the person to the executive team, increasing its size and complexity, or level them under another direct report, increasing the likelihood that they become a flight risk. [11]

Alternatively, a CEO may opt to retain a former direct report on the executive team after levelling them under another senior leader. For example, this can occur when a CEO hopes to retain a less-experienced VP who will now report to a new C-level leader. The VP may tolerate being levelled, particularly if the incoming leader is demonstrably more experienced, but they will almost certainly resent being removed from the executive team. And yet this also tends to be an expedient solution rather than a permanent one because the presence of skip-levels on an executive team adds a degree of heterogeneity that can cause a number of difficulties.

Any skip-levels who are not members of the executive team will wonder why they're being excluded and what they need to do to earn a spot, and this may apply to all direct reports of all team members, causing extensive discontent within the company. The new C-level leader and the levelled VP will wonder if it's safe for them to disagree in team discussions. And the team environment may feel less intimate for all members, with senior leaders reluctant to be candid in the presence of a subordinate.

None of these challenges are insurmountable, nor are they reasons to automatically default to the "ideal" configuration described above. But a CEO considering any changes to team composition should bear in mind that there are almost always costs offsetting any potential benefits. Adding new members may expand the team's access to information, but it will also render the network of relationships it encompasses more complex and may increase the CEO's obligatory one-on-ones. Removing superfluous members will simplify the team's interpersonal dynamics, but the remaining members may need to cover a broader span of issues and be better prepared for team interactions.

A common by-product as a CEO designs a smaller executive team is the establishment of a second, larger management body that includes some or all of the executives' direct reports. This group is more heterogeneous than the executive team, but it can also have a defined membership, a regular meeting cadence, and its own identity. The size and composition of this group will render it less intimate, but it need not be purely performative (although that's a potential risk.) Among other purposes, such as information-sharing, this larger group can provide junior leaders with a sense of inclusion and engagement, even (and especially) if they were previously members of the executive team.

3. The Evolution of Team Leadership

A CEO has a number of team leadership responsibilities, and while some of these duties will always be part of their job description, others will change over time. [12] First among them is the authority to formally establish the team and determine its membership (although in some cases executive roles may be subject to Board approval.) In this context the CEO must maintain a delicate balance–they have to build trusting, meaningful relationships with team members, while also rigorously assessing each member's ability to contribute to the business and the team itself.

Leaders can err on both sides here. They can be too quick to manage out or demote executives perceived to be under-performing, fostering anxiety among the team and preventing the emergence of a truly collaborative culture. But they can also be too loyal to executives who are failing to keep up with the demands of their role, particularly if there's a personal relationship at stake or if an executive is well-liked or regarded as a champion of company culture. [13]

Early in a team's development the CEO tends to play a highly active role in all team activities, from agenda-setting to meeting facilitation to decision-making. This usually changes as a consequence of several factors: Team members want a greater say in the topics under discussion and the process of issue resolution. Formalized team procedures disperse responsibility and require less individual initiative on the CEO's part to drive action. And the team may grow more capable of self-management, not only as a result of greater familiarity and trust, but also via the addition of more capable members (and the removal of less capable ones.)

As the membership of an executive team grows more talented and experienced, it's not unusual for a CEO to wonder, "How do I add value here?" While it may feel daunting, this is an opportunity for the CEO and the rest of the team to rethink their assumptions about who's responsible for what. Some duties may be delegated to a President, COO, or Chief of Staff. A talented Chief People Office or VP People may be able to play a special role in addressing and improving team dynamics. The CEO will always occupy a unique symbolic role [14], but revamping their approach to team leadership will enable them to continue to add value without becoming a bottleneck. [15]

4. The Evolution of Team Culture

I've known leaders who are skeptical about the concept of "organizational culture" because it's often poorly defined, or defined in ways that promote an empathetic style of leadership at the expense of accountability. [16] But Michael Watkins of the International Institute of Management Development offers a set of simple, even-handed definitions of culture that are relevant to any team in any context:

  • Consistent, observable patterns of behavior.
  • A process of "sensemaking" that yields shared beliefs about the team and its environment, and a source of meaning that explains why these things are the way they are.
  • A social control system that promotes productive behavior, proscribes counter-productive behavior, and specifies behavioral norms as well as penalties for norm violations. [17]

A dilemma for many teams is that their culture is largely invisible to them. They're the proverbial fish who ask, "What's water?" [18] But cultures vary widely in their ability to support (or preclude) optimal performance, and executive teams are well-served by developing a better understanding of their own. A CEO can't dictate an executive team's culture, but they can certainly influence it, and one of their most powerful tools in this regard is the ability to pause the team's day-to-day work in order to assess how they work. Sometimes this occurs via large-scale interventions–retreats, offsites, exercises–but it can also take the form of a brief post-mortem following any team activity: How did that go? Everyone's point of view matters, but in many cases only the CEO is in a position to ensure these activities occur and license candid participation.

Some of the most elemental aspects of executive team culture are the "patterns of behavior" surrounding group interactions, both formal and informal, in-person and online. Such patterns tend to become routinized over time, but that doesn't mean they've been deliberately optimized for performance–they may simply reflect "the way we do things here." But what worked well at an earlier stage of the team's development may not work as well today–or may be actively unhelpful. Much of my work with clients on this topic involves asking simple questions to highlight and assess any patterns involving team meetings, communication tools, and calendars: What's the agenda (and who sets it)? How are we using Slack? How do events get on our calendars?

A team's culture also encompasses the "process of sensemaking" that enables members to arrive at a set of interpretations that explain the world around them. This shared sense of meaning is necessary for any group to collectively grasp a complex situation and work together to achieve their goals–an essential quality for an executive team. Psychologist and management expert Karl Weick studied the consequences of "deficient sensemaking" in groups and its implications for organizational life:

The basic idea of sensemaking is that reality is an ongoing accomplishment that emerges from efforts to create order and make retrospective sense of what occurs. Organizations can be good at decision making and still falter. They falter because of deficient sensemaking. The world of decision making is about strategic rationality. It is built from clear questions and clear answers that attempt to remove ignorance. The world of sensemaking is different. Sensemaking is about contextual rationality. It is built out of vague questions, muddy answers, and negotiated agreements that attempt to reduce confusion. [19]

An executive team with a robust sensemaking culture embraces the "vague questions, muddy answers, and negotiated agreements" that they must inevitably confront while doing business. This doesn't mean that they're always in harmony–the process almost always requires a degree of comfort with conflict. But teams that lack this capability never truly operate as a team–they remain a disparate collection of individuals, each acting upon their own subjective interpretation of the world around them, often to their detriment.

All of these concepts ultimately find expression in a team's norms, which I've previously defined as "social regularities that individuals feel obligated to follow, and patterns of behavior based on shared beliefs about how individuals should behave." [20] Note that a team's norms may diverge significantly from their values: "Whenever employee behavior is inconsistent with a company's stated values, that's because those values are merely a set of rules, which define what we intend to do, or what we're supposed to do, or what we aspire to do. There's a tremendous difference between rules and norms, which are what we actually do." [21]

As David Bradford, one of my mentors, used to say, "Functional norms support high performance. Limiting norms don't. The more explicit norms are, the more likely they'll be functional. And the most limiting norm…is a norm of not discussing norms." [22] And fostering an ongoing dialogue about this aspect of team culture may be the most valuable role a CEO can play in furthering the evolution of their executive team.

 


Footnotes

[1] 1x 10x 100x (On Leverage)

[2] This section is adapted from The Judicious Imposition of Structure.

[3] Currencies (On Motivating Different People)

[4] Safety Is a Resource, Not a Destination

[5] How Leaders Create Safety and Danger

[6] Exposure effects in the classroom: The development of affinity among students (Richard Moreland and Scott Beach, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 1992)

[7] How Management Teams Can Have a Good Fight (Kathleen Eisenhardt, Jean Kahwajy and L.J. Bourgeois III, Harvard Business Review, 1997):

Without conflict, groups lose their effectiveness. Managers often become withdrawn and only superficially harmonious. Indeed, we found that the alternative to conflict is usually not agreement but apathy and disengagement. Teams unable to foster substantive conflict ultimately achieve, on average, lower performance. Among the companies that we observed, low-conflict teams tended to forget to consider key issues or were simply unaware of important aspects of their strategic situation. They missed opportunities to question falsely limiting assumptions or to generate significantly different alternatives. Not surprisingly, their actions were often easy for competitors to anticipate.

[8] Huddle Up! (Building Group Cohesion)

[9] Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups, page 83 (Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven Wolff, Harvard Business Review, March 2001):

Study after study has shown that teams are more creative and productive when they can achieve high levels of participation, cooperation, and collaboration among members. But interactive behaviors like these aren't easy to legislate. Our work shows that three basic conditions need to be present before such behaviors can occur: mutual trust among members, a sense of group identity (a feeling among members that they belong to a unique and worthwhile group), and a sense of group efficacy (the belief that the team can perform well and that group members are more effective working together than apart)… At the heart of these three conditions are emotions. Trust, a sense of identity, and a feeling of efficacy arise in environments where emotion is well handled, so groups stand to benefit by building their emotional intelligence.

[10] Research on the impact of group composition and diversity on performance is inconclusive–it's easy to find studies supporting almost any point you want to make on the subject. Two observations drawn from my experience are that 1) homogeneous teams experience less conflict but can be more prone to blind spots and "groupthink," and 2) heterogeneous teams can only make effective use of their diversity once they learn to manage conflict effectively (including, but not limited to, the topic under discussion here.)

[11] The Fine Art of Levelling

[12] Three Buckets (On CEO Job Descriptions)

[13] Merciful Exits (On Under-Performing Executives)

[14] Leader as Avatar

[15] How to Scale: Do Less, Lead More

[16] Accountability and Empathy (Are Not Mutually Exclusive)

[17] Adapted from What Is Organizational Culture? (Michael Watkins, Harvard Business Review, 2013)

[18] "There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, 'Morning, boys, how's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, 'What the hell is water?'" (David Foster Wallace, "This Is Water," Kenyon College Commencement, 2005)

[19] "The Collapse of Sensemaking in Organizations: The Mann Gulch Disaster" (Karl Weick, Administrative Science Quarterly, Volume 38, Number 4, December 1993)

[20] Rules Aren't Norms (On Company Values)

[21] Ibid.

[22] Adapted from materials that David shared with me. For more on our relationship, see Thank You, David Bradford.

 

Photo by gajman.

Handing Off to a New CEO

Batons by tableatny

I've worked with several dozen clients through the process of a CEO transition: The outgoing CEO who will serve as the Board's executive chair. The outgoing CEO who's ready to sit on a beach for a while. The incoming CEO who's succeeding a capable predecessor. The incoming CEO who's succeeding a dismal failure. The former CEO who sold the company and will be an executive with the acquirer. The former CEO who's taking another executive role under their successor. The investor and the C-level leader who aren't changing roles but have ringside seats and will be heavily impacted.

There's no one right way to orchestrate and execute this transition–every situation is unique, and there are a host of factors that merit consideration. But I've observed a sequence of stages that CEOs and companies tend to follow–see below. To be clear, there's nothing prescriptive about this framework–it's not a required order of operations, and it's not uncommon for a CEO and their colleagues to work through these stages in a different order.

Whatever path they followed, most of my clients who've navigated this transition were doing so for the first time, investors aside, and they've found it useful when I was able to normalize their experience by drawing upon my work with others in similar circumstances. While I've also worked with CEOs who've been removed from the business by their Boards (and with investors who've had to remove CEOs), that's a very different situation. In this post I'll focus on the CEO who's opting to leave, albeit often with mixed feelings.

1. The Dream

The starting point in this process is just an idea, a dream. The poorly-kept secret about CEO positions is that they can be profoundly stressful and lonely, and the compensation, power, status and other benefits may not outweigh the downsides indefinitely. [1] The calculus may start to shift after a period of time, and the CEO begins to imagine a life without the pressure, the problems, the visibility, the lack of empathy. [2] Even when everything's fine a CEO may begin to dream about something different: a big new idea, or an alternative industry, or an earlier stage of growth.

Sometimes this is just a fleeting fantasy, and merely thinking about leaving offers some respite. But in other cases that idea takes hold and becomes a goal–and yet while CEO positions are very difficult to obtain and hold, it turns out that they're also very difficult to leave. Even when a company has achieved a degree of sustained success, there's rarely a moment when it's obvious that the CEO should transition out. Sometimes a company's success leads to even greater anxiety about a CEO's potential departure–no one wants to take the risk that the business might stumble. And when a company is struggling, the CEO is undoubtedly reluctant to leave on a low note.

In all cases, the CEO is keenly aware of the commitments they've made to various stakeholders–employees, customers, investors–and that there's no way to leave without someone feeling disappointed, hurt, even angry. So it's common for this initial stage of the process to take a long time–but one way a transition can go wrong is when a CEO continues to defer acting upon this dream, waiting for that magical moment when the stars align and everyone will cheer them on as they depart.

This isn't impossible, but it's unlikely. And a risk that can increase over time is that the CEO's disenchantment builds to unbearable levels, leading them to conclude that they must leave and soon, which can result in any number of sub-optimal choices. [3] It's rarely a good idea to rush a CEO transition, which may entail not waiting too long to take the dream seriously.

2. The Inner Circle

Having done so, the dilemma CEOs face is that it's difficult to even raise the possibility of a transition with most stakeholders. Anyone with a stake in the company's success may value that stake over the CEO's well-being–and in the case of Board members and investors, this can be a professional obligation. This isn't to say that no one cares at all, but even stakeholders who truly want the best for the CEO as a person will likely be conflicted in some way.

And yet CEO transitions are group undertakings, not solo efforts, so inevitably the CEO must identify an inner circle and bring them into their confidence. It's easy to start with people who don't have a stake in the business and may even be bound by confidentiality agreements–family and friends, a mentor or coach. These figures can offer empathetic support and useful guidance, but eventually the CEO must involve people who can take action and whose approval may be needed to move forward.

There's no definitive guide to who should be included in this inner circle, but it's worth asking: How will the parties under consideration balance their competing interests? Can they be relied upon not only to be discreet, but also to provide objective advice? How will they feel about this news? How will they feel if they find out second-hand, or later in the process? In a word, are they trustworthy? [4] Yet trust develops slowly, and just as the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the best time to begin testing for trustworthiness in a professional relationship is at the very start. [5]

The greater the trust, the more candid the CEO can be–but even within the inner circle it's necessary to bear in mind that news like this is the proverbial bell that can't be unrung. Once a CEO has indicated that they're open to a transition, this information will begin to have an effect on everyone else's plans and ambitions. It's a mistake to entrust this news too early or with the wrong people, but it's also a mistake to keep it too close for too long. When key stakeholders feel that they've been informed too late in the process, they may take it as an insult–and it may be a missed opportunity to enlist their support.

3. The Horse Race

Having mobilized an inner circle who can offer various forms of assistance, the CEO now needs to identify a slate of potential successors. In sufficiently large organizations with deep leadership benches, these candidates already occupy roles within the company as C-level officers, functional leaders or division heads, but even smaller, early-stage companies may have one or two viable internal candidates. With a sufficiently long timeline, the CEO may have filled some of these roles with this very possibility in mind. But you can't stockpile talent indefinitely–the challenge in building a deep bench is that the best internal candidates won't wait forever, and if they're kept waiting too long they'll grow restless and either leave or push for a transition before the CEO is ready. [6]

In many organizations the existing leadership team doesn't contain a candidate who would be an acceptable choice to all stakeholders with a say in the decision, which requires turning to outside talent. And in some cases stakeholders feel obligated to conduct an external search no matter who's on the bench in order to meet a standard of diligence. It's important to be aware at the outset that a CEO search will be more complex and fraught than those for other C-level roles.

The need for confidentiality is greater. The pool of candidates is smaller. The decision will be harder and more expensive to undo, so the stakes are higher. And while it's always the case that the best candidates for any role will be more selective, this is exacerbated in a CEO search because of the visibility of the position–a successful former CEO will be very reluctant to take on a new role if there's any chance that it might tarnish their record.

In any event, the right inner circle can play a helpful role at this stage of the process. Presumably they have the ability to assess senior executive talent, putting them in a good position to vet both any internal candidates and those identified by a search firm. They may also have personal networks from which additional candidates can be drawn. In the best case scenario, their discretion, judgment and integrity enable them to advise the CEO in a way that meets the leader's personal needs as well as what's best for the company.

But the process can go awry in various ways at this stage. Companies can take the idea of a "horse race" literally, pitting candidates against each other in a destructive competition. The process by which General Electric identified Jeff Immelt as Jack Welch's successor is a prime example. [7] Given the difficulty of this search, it's not uncommon for even the best firms to require more time than the CEO would like, and many of the external candidates will be C-level executives who've never been a CEO. (Some data suggests that more than 70 percent of CEOs are first-timers. [8])

All this may require decision-makers to take a leap of faith in a candidate's potential, knowing that a misfire will be costly and high-profile. And the inner circle doesn't always live up to the ideal–they often face intense pressures of their own, and it can be difficult to balance such strong competing interests.

4. The Covert Candidate

Ultimately the CEO and other decision-makers among the inner circle must settle on a leading candidate. A key for the CEO here is managing expectations, including their own. By this point in the process the CEO may be eager to move forward, and other stakeholders can have their own reasons for wanting to press toward a decision. But it can be a mistake to allow any particular preference to exert undue influence here, so it's advisable to proceed judiciously.

One way to slow the process down is to identify a leading candidate without telling them. This enables the CEO and other stakeholders to assess the candidate's suitability without making any commitments and maintaining maximum flexibility. The downside is that the covert candidate may pursue other plans for their career if they don't realize that they're in the running for the role, or become frustrated if they feel they merit consideration and are unaware of the ongoing process.

It's not uncommon for this step to occur sooner, particularly if a CEO has high confidence in a given candidate's viability as their successor or low confidence in the value of their inner circle as thought partners or sources of prospective candidates. A CEO may fill a C-level role with the express purpose of testing that person as a potential successor, well before they share that news with the candidate (or anyone else.)

5. The Overt Candidate

Despite the value of flexibility, at some point it becomes necessary to communicate to a candidate that they're in the running to be the CEO. If the candidate is being sourced externally, this is likely to be accompanied by a formal offer, or at least the beginning of a negotiation. But if the leading candidate is an internal executive, an offer may not yet be forthcoming. As noted above, it will be very difficult to undo a mistake, and it's likely that the candidate hasn't been a CEO before.

So the CEO and other decision-makers may want to assess the candidate's performance with the added weight of a succession plan on their shoulders before offering terms. In cases where the incumbent CEO exercises outright or effective control, they may skip directly to this stage, privately designating an internal executive as their successor, or bringing on a new C-level leader for this express purpose.

However they arrive here, at this stage the candidate will be put through their paces in any number of contexts–life will be an ongoing, slow-motion job interview. They'll be assessed on their ability to deliver results in their function, develop strong working relationships with various stakeholders, improve the dynamic on the executive team, and be an effective CEO proxy in public and private settings.

And yet informing the executive that they're a (or the) leading candidate, without making any binding commitments can leave them in a state of limbo. They may be sufficiently motivated by the prospect of becoming CEO to tolerate the ambiguity, in some cases for an extended period of time, but it's still difficult and stressful, and the uncertainty may eventually undermine their commitment to the role.

6. The Close

Whether an offer is delivered up front or an overt candidate finally passes the test (or signals that they're losing patience), eventually the process reaches a point where terms must be finalized to close the candidate. Note that this is neither the beginning nor the end of the negotiation–it's merely a particularly acute and explicit phase. In actuality both sides have been negotiating for some time–although not necessarily with the same degree of awareness and deliberation–and in some cases negotiations may continue well after one side (mistakenly) believes they've been concluded.

By this point a number of the key terms may have been initially addressed or even resolved–this is where a sophisticated go-between such as a trusted member of the inner circle or an experienced recruiter can play a helpful role. But even when preliminary dialogue has reduced the information asymmetry, one or both parties can still find themselves surprised by the contents of the offer (or the counter-offer.)

When this happens one party has usually misunderstood the other party's negotiating culture, a topic I've addressed before: "In a list-price culture, there's a high degree of transparency and very little flexibility. An opening offer may not be take-it-or-leave it, but there's relatively little gamesmanship in the process… In a haggling culture, the opposite is true. There's very little transparency and a great deal of flexibility. Opening offers are never take-it-or-leave-it, and gamesmanship abounds." [9]

There's no one right way to negotiate, and each approach has its pros and cons, but problems occur when the parties have different negotiating cultures and fail to realize it. Usually this becomes evident at earlier stages of the process, but sometimes this is a sudden (and surprising) discovery late in the game. At that point it's essential to attend closely to any potential ambiguities and misinterpretations, another topic I've discussed previously:

When an offer falls apart unexpectedly, the party caught by surprise was presumably under the impression that the issues under discussion were appropriate at this stage, that their stated positions were reasonable, and that progress was being made–but the other party had a very different interpretation of the situation. [10]

7. The Narrative

Once the candidate has been closed, it's time to spread the word about the impending transition and the incoming CEO, which is by no means a simple PR task. The key here is having all parties agree upon and effectively communicate the narrative that will explain what's happening and why to all interested parties. Crafting and conveying a compelling explanatory narrative is a critical skill in organizational life that's a common theme in my practice:

We depend upon narratives to navigate the world… Organizational psychologist Karl Weick called this "sensemaking": we rely upon narratives to "make sense" of ambiguous situations and pursue a plan of action in coordination with others. But our reliance on narratives means that in the absence of a coherent story we will feel lost and ungrounded. This poses a risk when we face rapid change that may overtake our existing narrative and render it out of date, as Weick noted: "People…act as if events cohere in time and space and that change unfolds in an orderly manner. These everyday cosmologies are subject to disruption." [11]

In some situations the narrative is evident and clear: A longtime CEO who's had a successful run is retiring and handing the reins to a trusted lieutenant who's an obvious successor known by all stakeholders and intimately familiar with the business. But it's rare that all the elements line up so neatly–it's much more common that a CEO transition raises some questions in the minds of stakeholders: Is the business struggling? Was the outgoing CEO struggling? What do they know that we don't? Why are they leaving us? Who is this new person we're supposed to accept as our leader? And what will our lives be like under their leadership?

Such questions come up with other executive transitions, but they're more fraught in the case of a CEO's departure because of the symbolic nature of the role–they embody the organization. [12] CEOs don't just make decisions and allocate resources–they offer reassurance at a primal level that the uncertainty surrounding the business can be rendered predictable. [13] So when a CEO  departs, the disruption leads stakeholders to wonder whether events will continue to "cohere in time and space" and if change will "unfold in an orderly manner."

Thus the importance of a narrative that answers stakeholders' questions and enables them to make sense of the transition. Note that I'm not suggesting that anything in the narrative should be untrue or misleading. The narrative must be factually accurate, but it will inevitably focus on certain reasons for the transition at the expense of others. This is a function of the fact that public discourse has a limited capacity for nuance and complexity. The narrative must be true, and it's unlikely that it will be able to accommodate the whole truth. As noted above, CEO roles can be stressful and lonely, and that's often a factor in a given CEO's decision to leave–but few stakeholders will empathize with this reality, so it's rarely incorporated into the narrative.

One specific tactical challenge is informing anyone who will be directly affected but was not part of the inner circle or a participant in the hiring process. When this news is delivered effectively, these people understand why they weren't involved and appreciate getting a personal heads-up in advance of any broader announcements. The purpose isn't just to assuage their egos, but to minimize any rancor toward the outgoing CEO and to ensure that the incoming CEO is set up for success in these working relationships.

8. The Handoff

We're finally ready for the baton to be passed from the outgoing CEO to their successor. And yet there's no guarantee of a clean handoff, and there are many ways in which it can be bobbled or botched. In the best-case scenario there's a shared understanding among all stakeholders of the timeline, various parties' roles and responsibilities, and what will change–and what will not–under the incoming CEO. But sometimes these details are overlooked as the handoff approaches, or one or more parties will mistakenly (or conveniently) assume that a shared understanding has been achieved.

There's no one optimal timeline, and a host of factors can affect the pace of the transition following any public announcements. But in my experience most transitions take too long, for several predictable reasons. Organizations tend to solve for optionality, which results in a longer period of overlap between the incoming and outgoing CEOs. The short-term risk of a transition that's too abrupt is more vivid and salient than the long-term risk of a transition that's too drawn-out. And even when an incumbent CEO is ready to move on, they've likely felt a degree of ambivalence throughout the process, and those emotions may intensify as the handoff approaches.

It's also common for different parties to have divergent or even incompatible perspectives on their roles and responsibilities, and a critical figure here is the outgoing CEO. They often retain a Board seat, and although it's increasingly rare for them to become executive chair in large companies [14], it's not unusual at smaller scales. But in those cases it's essential for the outgoing CEO, their successor, and all other Board members to clarify and agree upon the executive chair's duties. I've seen cases where a newly installed executive chair feels under-utilized by their CEO successor–and others where a new CEO feels intruded upon by their predecessor.

And even when the incoming CEO is a longstanding internal leader and the transition promises to be smooth and seamless, it's almost always the case that the newcomer will want to make some changes and put their own stamp on the role. The outgoing CEO may fully expect this and even approve in principle–but when they see their preferred management practices altered or abandoned, they may well offer some resistance. Outgoing CEOs usually want their successors to succeed, but they typically feel some chagrin at being succeeded.

9. The Hard Part

The handoff has been made, and the transition is complete. It's taken a lot of time and effort to get here–and yet this is where the real work begins, and for many leaders it can be confusing and disheartening to realize how much remains to be done. A useful analogy is moving house–given how much work it takes to find and secure a new home, and then pack up and transport our possessions, we imagine that the process will be over when the moving truck drives away. But then we look around at the stacks of cardboard boxes, and we realize that we have no idea where to find the silverware, and it dawns on us that we're still very much in the midst of our labors.

In some ways the outgoing CEO has it easy–at the very least, they're usually relieved to be free from operational responsibilities. It may even feel like "school's out" and "summer vacation" has begun, and they're delighted to see a long stretch of empty dates on their calendar. But this feeling rarely lasts as long as they think it will, and it's not unusual for former CEOs to soon find themselves at loose ends. They don't miss the stress and pressure, but they're surprised to discover the extent to which leadership has become a part of their identity, and they do miss the opportunity to be of service in this capacity. As I counsel former CEOs in my practice, it's essential to prepare for this moment [15] and avoid rushing into another leadership role prematurely. [16]

The challenges facing the incoming CEO will vary widely depending on the circumstances, but I've never seen a situation where everything goes as planned, so it pays to expect the unexpected. Turning around an underperforming business is hard–but it's also hard to take over a smoothly running machine and feel the pressure of ensuring continued success. An incoming CEO who's new to the organization must integrate with the surrounding culture to gain credibility and traction [17], while a CEO who's been promoted from within can be surprised by the change in how they're perceived, even by longtime colleagues.

Stakeholders who were involved in hiring the new CEO or endorsed their candidacy generally have a set of assumptions and expectations that formed the basis for their support. But even when such ideas are well-founded, leaders are reliably more complex than our reductive images of them, and it's always possible that a stakeholder's perception was based in part on wishful thinking. Stakeholders can feel let down, or even betrayed, when any gaps appear between their hopes for the incoming CEO and the reality. In some cases stakeholders need to ask whether their assumptions and expectations were accurate to begin with, but in others these gaps can serve as the basis for more candid conversation about the new CEO's leadership and their plans for the business.

While I've highlighted the many potential pitfalls in this process, my intent isn't to dissuade CEOs or their colleagues from pursuing a transition. Leaders and organizations may fear and resist change, in part because they believe that an individual CEO is "irreplaceable." I've seen leaders have a profound impact on company performance, and I believe that great leadership can make a difference. [18] But as I wrote recently, "I launched my coaching practice in 2006, and I've never seen a company fail because of the departure of any one individual. I've concluded that organizations are often far more resilient than leaders think they are." [19]

 


Footnotes

[1] Watch That Next Step (CEO Problems)

[2] The Difficulty of Empathizing Up

[3] Extending Your Personal Runway

[4] Two Sides of Trust

[5] How to Think Long-Term

[6] Talking About Promotions (with Very Ambitious People)

[7] GE Powered the American Century—Then It Burned Out (Thomas Gryta and Ted Mann, The Wall Street Journal, 2018)

[8] Why Today's CEOs Aren't Prepared for the Job (Joel Trammell, Texas CEO Magazine, 2023)

[9] Culture, Compensation and Negotiation

[10] When Offers Fall Apart

[11] The Importance of Shared Narrative

[12] Leader as Avatar

[13] Leadership and Transference

[14] 2022 S&P 500 CEO Transitions (Spencer Stuart, 2023)

[15] You Quit. You're Free. Now What?

[16] Don't Take That Job

[17] Conform to the Culture Just Enough

[18] What Do Great Leaders Do?

[19] Fear of the Empty Chair, Part 3 (On Attrition)

 

Photos by tableatny: left, right.

My Appearance on The Leadership Podcast

The-Leadership-Podcast

Jan Rutherford and Jim Vaselopulos are coaches who’ve been co-hosting The Leadership Podcast continuously since 2016, and they recently invited me to join them for Episode 393. We discussed my unexpected move to a sheep and cattle ranch after 30 years in San Francisco; my former work at Stanford, including founding The Art of Self-Coaching and teaching Interpersonal Dynamics, aka “Touchy Feely”; and the leadership challenges I see regularly in my coaching practice.

Recorded November 29, 2023. Published January 24, 2024.

Thoughts on the Ed Bot (Writing, Coaching and A.I.)

Robot by Fred Seibert 5814007994

UPDATE: The original Ed Bot was taken down in 2024 after Heyday was acquired. But in April 2025 founder and coach Tarikh Korula trained a version of ChatGPT on the contents of this website, and we call it the Ed Bot 2.0.

 


Last week the founders of Heyday, Samiur Rahman and Sam DeBrule, launched Ask Ed, which enables anyone to enter a question and receive an A.I.-generated answer derived from an interpretation of the contents of this website. I'm both honored and tickled that my work here, comprising more than 1,200 posts over the last two decades, could prove useful in this way. (My amusement was only heightened when my colleague Paul Loper dubbed this system "the Ed Bot.")

While the Ed Bot is certainly an application of new technology, it's consistent with the ethos that's informed my writing since I began publishing here in late 2004 and with my approach to coaching since launching my practice in 2006. I also think it has something to teach us about the future of coaching and other helping professions.

Why I Write

I write for two reasons: to learn, and to share what I learn with coaching clients. It's gratifying when anyone who isn't a client finds something I've written of interest, but that's a bonus. I don't write to monetize what I've written by selling access to it or via advertising. That's not a criticism of anyone who relies on those business models–writing is hard work, and I'm all in favor of anything that helps a writer get paid.

But I've found that what works best for me is monetizing the time I spend with clients in coaching sessions, which allows me to write entirely on my own schedule, in my own way, on topics that are of greatest interest to me and my clients. This also allows me to make my writing freely available under a Creative Commons license–anyone can copy, share and adapt my work, as long as they attribute the original to me and made their version available to others under the same conditions. (That's essentially what Samiur and Sam have done with the Ed Bot.)

Writing and Coaching

By no means is being a writer a prerequisite for being a coach. I have many outstanding colleagues who write rarely or not at all. But writing is deeply intertwined with coaching for me. My initial work on this blog played a meaningful role in my decision to pursue coaching as a professional path, and in the years since it's been instrumental in my efforts to advance my craft and to be of greatest use to my clients.

One of the reasons I love coaching so much is that there's always more to learn. This includes coaching as a discipline, of course, but there's an endless range of topics that come up in the course of my work with clients, from psychology and group dynamics to labor and employment law, from neuroscience and decision-making to negotiations and sales. I'm not an expert in any of these fields, but my clients aren't looking to me for "the answer"–instead, they rely on me to be sufficiently well-informed to ask the most useful and important questions. And it's not enough for me to merely research these topics–to truly integrate what I've learned, I need to write about it.

Writing and A.I.

That's one reason why I don't use A.I. as a writer–it might yield a serviceable final product, but bypassing the labor would short-circuit the learning. I believe A.I. has a role to play, but I suspect its utility will be in condensing bodies of knowledge to assist in the creative process, not in creation itself. I'm reminded of insights from two brilliant 20th-century thinkers who foresaw and contributed to many of the developments that we're living through in today's A.I. revolution. In 1971 Herb Simon (1916-2001), who founded the School of Computer Science at Carnegie-Mellon, noted that the scarce resource is attention, not information:

Whether a computer will contribute to the solution of an information-overload problem, or instead compound it, depends on the distribution of its own attention among four classes of activities: listening, storing, thinking, and speaking. A general design principle can be put as follows: An information-processing subsystem (a computer or new organization unit) will reduce the net demand on the rest of the organization's attention only if it absorbs more information previously received by others than it produces that is, if it listens and thinks more than it speaks. [1]

And in 1988 Russell Ackoff (1919-2009), a pioneer in systems thinking and management science who taught at Wharton, articulated the distinctions among information, knowledge, understanding and wisdom:

Information, knowledge and understanding all focus on efficiency. Wisdom adds value, which requires the mental function we call judgment. Evaluations of efficiency are all based on a logic which, in principle, can be specified, and therefore can be programmed and automated. These principles are general and impersonal. We can speak of the efficiency of the act independent of the actor. Not so for judgment. The value of an act is never independent of the actor, and seldom is the same for for two actors even when they act in the same way. Efficiency is inferrable from appropriate grounds; ethical and aesthetic values are not. They are unique and personal. At least this is how it seems to me. From all this I infer that wisdom-generating systems are ones that man will never be able to assign to automata. It may well be that wisdom, which is essential to the effective pursuit of ideals, and the pursuit of ideals itself, are the characteristics that differentiate man from machines. [2]

Coaching and A.I.

These insights have relevance not only for writing, but also for coaching. In the post announcing "Ask Ed," Sam rightly takes pride in Heyday's accomplishment while also setting expectations accordingly: "Is it as good as having Ed as your coach? No. Is it Ed who is answering your questions? Of course not! Will you still think it’s awesome? Hope so!"

I do think it's awesome, and I have no doubt that advancements in A.I. await us that will make the Ed Bot look simplistic. And I'm equally confident that there will always be a need for a human in the process–although what that looks like will certainly evolve. In a sense, the Ed Bot is merely the latest development in a continuous process of recalculating how I and other coaches add value. Here I believe we'll be well-served by bearing Simon and Ackoff's ideas in mind, and perhaps it's appropriate that I'm left with more questions than answers:

  • The cost of information and the value of attention are inversely correlated. When information is essentially free, how can I best help clients preserve their increasingly-valuable attention? How can I help solve my clients' information-overload problems, rather than compounding them? [3]
  • What are the definitions of information, knowledge, understanding and wisdom in the context of coaching? How will I ensure that I'm providing clients with less of the former and more of the latter? How might I emphasize value rather than efficiency in the conduct of my practice? [4]

 

Thanks to Samiur Rahman, Sam DeBrule and their collegues at Heyday.


Footnotes

[1] Designing Organizations for an Information-Rich World [PDF] (Herb Simon, pages 37-72 in Computers, Communications, and the Public Interest, Martin Greenberger, editor, 1971)

[2] From Data to Wisdom [PDF] (Russell Ackoff, Presidential Address to the International Society for General Systems Research, St. Louis, June 1988). An edited version of this speech was published the following year as a journal article, From Data to Wisdom (Russell Ackoff, Journal of Applied Systems Analysis, 1989), also available in Ackoff's Best: His Classic Writings on Management (1999).

[3] For more on this topic, see A Better Information Diet.

[4] I also reference Simon and Ackoff in a related post, Drowning in Feedback.

 

Photo by Fred Seibert.

On Co-Founder Decision-Making

Decision-Making

Many of my clients are company founders, and many of them have co-founders. A theme in my work with these clients is the importance of determining how certain decisions should be made. This is an issue that all leaders and executive teams must address, but there are some distinctive aspects of the co-founder relationship that merit special consideration. While this framework is highly reductive, I generally see co-founders relying on the following three methods–and when there's a problem, it's usually because they're relying too heavily on one mode or failing to apply it when it would be useful.

1. Consensus

This is the starting point for co-founders, because all parties had to agree to launch the business in the first place. It's also sometimes the case that in a venture's early stages the co-founders' areas of expertise may overlap substantially, and there may be relatively little hierarchical differentiation, so the other two modes of decision-making are less relevant or inapplicable.

But it's easy for founding teams to get stuck here and rely on consensus for too many decisions well past the point of utility. This is often the result of good intentions–such teams may have a high degree of social cohesion and prioritize inclusivity. And yet cultures like this can have a shadow side–the members may be uncomfortable with conflict, resulting in a lack of candor, or they may have an endless appetite for debate, resulting in circular arguments and paralysis.

The key is recognizing that as the company grows larger and more complex the co-founders' roles and responsibilities will diverge, so members of the team will have differing abilities to weigh in on certain decisions. And yet at the same time some decisions should be made by consensus, even when it would be more expedient to employ an alternative method. This can be codified through formal agreements or mechanisms such as Board seats, but it's not possible to cover every eventuality–there must be a shared willingness to prioritize collective agreement over efficiency when necessary.

2. Functional Expertise

Some co-founders have distinct and clearly defined areas of responsibility to begin with–the possession of complementary skillsets may have been one of the primary reasons for their decision to start a company together. But even when there's a degree of redundancy at first, this tends to diminish over time as individuals focus on particular functions, develop specialized expertise, and "stay in their lanes."

Here, too, co-founders can err in two ways. Some are too rigid about functional boundaries, demanding authority over decisions within their nominal sphere without sufficient regard for cross-functional or downstream implications. And others are insufficiently respectful of such boundaries, constantly questioning their colleagues' judgment and undermining their autonomy.

The arrival of the first non-founder in a designated leadership position tends to have a significant impact here. At later stages of company development this often involves the creation of a C-level role, but even without such a title it's usually the case that this person is being entrusted with a significant scope of responsibilities because of their functional expertise.

This sometimes causes friction between founders who expect to remain actively involved throughout the company and non-founder leaders who expect a degree of independence within their domain. In any case, the solution invariably entails finding the right balance between respect for functional expertise and acknowledgment of cross-functional interdependence.

3. Hierarchical Authority

Even on highly egalitarian founding teams with substantial levels of functional expertise, it's inevitable that some decisions will be made on the basis of hierarchical authority, typically that of the CEO. Contemporary business culture has an uneasy relationship with hierarchy–some parties view it as anathema and propose utopian schemes like holacracy, while others idealize the decisive, command-and-control, autocratic CEO. But in my experience the most successful teams find a middle ground, fostering a healthy respect for hierarchy while ensuring that their leaders rely on it judiciously.

And yet a challenge for many founding teams is that the hierarchical distance separating the co-founders may initially seem minimal or even non-existent. In some cases it was unclear who would be CEO, or more than one member felt qualified to hold the position (and they may still feel that way). Further, as noted above, on many teams the non-CEO co-founders have an equal say in certain decisions by virtue of their ownership positions or other explicit or implicit agreements.

So it can be jarring when a decision must be made and neither consensus nor functional expertise provides a path to resolution. The founder/CEO needs to exert hierarchical authority, and yet there's no guarantee that they have any particular skill in doing so. They may be clumsy and excessively forceful, or they may be hesitant and excessively deferential–whatever the cause, it's quite possible that they'll make missteps and generate frustration.

Here it's essential that all parties recognize both the necessity of hierarchy and the importance of employing it effectively. The CEO needs to learn how to wield authority with skill and grace, cultivating the capacity to influence rather than command. And the other co-founders must come to terms with the limits on their autonomy and learn to truly disagree and commit.

So if you're a co-founder wrestling with these issues, what can you do?

Raise Your Awareness

A first step is raising your collective awareness of your team's norms and preferences around decision-making. Many teams operate on autopilot and are surprised when they stumble into an intractable conflict. You needn't establish cumbersome bureaucratic procedures or give up the freedom to act nimbly. A little time dedicated to identifying the best mode of decision-making before you begin trying to make a given decision can go a long way.

Enhance Your Skills

Successful team decision-making rests on each member's repertoire of interpersonal skills. These capabilities are eminently learnable, and every leader I've ever encountered had the potential to improve if they were sufficiently motivated to make the effort. Of particular importance on a founding team is the ability to exert influence amidst complex power dynamics.

Invest in Your Relationships

Some of the most useful questions I ask clients are, "When did you last see your co-founder/s in person? When did you last have a meal together? When did you last have a conversation about something other than the business?" There's no universal best practice, but it's all too common for co-founders to neglect their personal relationship, even if they were good friends before starting the company. The value of maintaining this connection is a greater sense of trust and the ability to empathize with each other, even (and especially) when you disagree.

 

Photos: Handshake by Amtec. Lanes by Steven L. Johnson. Salute by U.S. Army Europe.

Talking with Colleagues About Divisive Topics

Arguing Protestors by Adam Cohn adamcohn 17333911456 EDIT

A theme in my practice in recent years is the leader who's aware that a number of their employees have strong feelings about a divisive topic, often a pressing social or political issue. The leader may or may not share these feelings, and the issues may or may not directly affect the business, but there's an evident gap between what people are feeling and what's being openly discussed. And this state of affairs is creating a sense of uncertainty and discomfort within the organization that could affect the team's working relationships and ability to perform.

This presents the leader with some difficult questions: Should we address the issue? Should we discuss our feelings? If so, where and how would we do that? What's the purpose of such a discussion? What are our goals and objectives? What's the agenda, and how should it be determined? And what role should I play in the process? If you're a leader in this situation, here are some areas to explore and recommendations to consider:

1. Risk

People are often reluctant to address divisive topics in a work setting. Sometimes this is a mistake, because the suppressed feelings may leak out in counterproductive ways. And sometimes this is the right decision, because exploring a divisive topic in a group almost always involves some risk. There's the risk of further inflaming heightened emotions, leaving people more upset and distracted than they were before.

There's the risk of failing to reach any sort of resolution in the time available, leaving people feeling incomplete and frustrated. And there's the risk of open conflict between colleagues, who may find their working relationship damaged. This doesn't mean we should avoid directly addressing divisive topics, but it's important to be aware that such efforts carry risks and to have a plan to mitigate them.

2. Resistance

If you're prepared to address these risks, one of the first steps to take is anticipating resistance from your employees, which can range from mild reluctance to outright refusal. Resistance should generally be viewed as a form of self-protection that stems from anxiety, so it's essential to avoid taking any steps that people might experience as coercive. This will only affirm their anxiety and redouble their resistance. Even if people feel obligated to participate in order to appear compliant, they will remain guarded and wary. At best, the discussion will be an empty, superficial exercise, and you will have lost trust in the process.

This doesn't mean that you must always defer to resistance, but you need to meet it with thoughtfulness and care, not force. And it's surprisingly easy for leaders to be perceived as acting more forcefully than they intended. [1] A little social pressure–a "nudge"–is tolerable, but no one should ever feel "shoved" or compelled to participate in ways that make them feel less safe.

3. Safety

The paradox is that talking about the divisive topic may ultimately make it a safer environment, so it can be worth taking the risk to make the effort. The key is ensuring that people feel as safe as possible along the way, although what is meant by "psychological safety" is often profoundly misunderstood, a topic I've addressed before:

Psychological safety entails candid and direct communication. It requires asking and answering hard questions. It does not mean "being nice." It does not mean avoiding difficult conversations or fraught topics to ensure that no one experiences distress. To the contrary, a setting in which people are reluctant to be candid and direct for fear of triggering any distress in others is psychologically unsafe. [2]

A deep-seated problem with many formal programs intended to address divisive topics in recent years is that they mandate a particular point of view on an issue. Participants are expected to adhere to the officially sanctioned doctrine. Questions are viewed as resistance, and resistance isn't tolerated. As a consequence, these events are little more than theatrical performances. They may enforce compliance, but they never build commitment. [3]

4. Intentions

Sometimes it's our intention to enforce compliance–that's why so many mandatory HR programs are designed the way they are. But if you have other goals in mind for this discussion, it's necessary to clarify those intentions and get people aligned around them. Because of past experience with mandatory HR programs, people may assume that the purpose of the discussion is to obtain (or dictate) a group consensus about the issue. Or they might assume that the goal is to problem-solve and recommend a solution.

But neither of these outcomes is feasible for a meaningful discussion on a divisive issue of any consequence. If you want everyone to be in agreement, you'll get hollow HR theater. And if you think you and your employees need to "solve" a weighty social or political issue, you're setting everyone up for failure and frustration. I'm not suggesting you can't accomplish something important–you can. There's a significant goal within reach for you and your team in almost all circumstances: empathy.

5. Empathy

Medical professor and researcher Theresa Wiseman has explored the concept of empathy because of its importance for nursing and healthcare. She identifies four defining attributes of empathy:

  • The ability to see the world as another person sees it.
  • The ability to understand another person’s feelings.
  • The ability to suspend judgment.
  • The ability to communicate this understanding, which is essential "if empathy is to be felt." [4]

Note that empathy is not sympathy, which Wiseman makes clear: "Sympathy involves 'feeling sorry' for the other person or imagining how we would feel if we were experiencing what is happening to them. Empathy differs in that we try to imagine what it is like being that person and experiencing things as they do, not as we would." [5] Similarly, empathy is not agreement, a point I've made previously:

We typically associate empathy with agreement, and we act as though empathizing with someone entails endorsing their perspective and their feelings, but this need not be the case. Understanding someone’s perspective and their emotions while suspending our judgments about both does not necessarily imply that we agree with that perspective or believe that the resulting emotions are justified. It simply means that we comprehend their perspective and emotions, and we are able to envision ourselves experiencing that perspective and those emotions under similar circumstances. Just as we can empathize with someone without sympathizing, we can empathize with someone while disagreeing with them and considering their perspective inaccurate and their emotions unwarranted. [6]

6. Emotions

It's inevitable that this will be an emotional discussion. The primary reason you're having it is your awareness that people have strong feelings about this divisive topic that they're not expressing with colleagues, and you're concerned that if people continue to suppress such feelings it may exacerbate the climate of uncertainty and discomfort. But a critical counterpart to emotional expression is the capacity for emotion regulation. [7]

In almost all professional settings we err on the side of regulation–one way of distinguishing between professional and personal relationships is that the former are usually much more regulated than the latter, and this is an essential feature of most organizational cultures. Cultures are defined by behavioral norms, and in this discussion you're likely seeking to alter the norms that govern emotional expression without suspending them entirely. [8]

It's hard to create an environment that simultaneously invites greater emotional expression while supporting the necessary emotion regulation that will allow everyone to return to work when it's over. Hard, but not impossible, and this is why it's so important to mitigate the risks, meet resistance with understanding, and work to ensure safety. These are the conditions under which people are willing to be vulnerable, and expressions of vulnerability in a safe environment are the most reliable means of evoking empathy. [9]

7. An Invitation

If you're ready to proceed, consider the collective capacity of your team to handle such a discussion, and ask your key leaders to share their impressions. If you and your leaders are in sufficient agreement, initiate your efforts by extending an invitation, and asking people if they'd like to join you in a discussion. Make it opt-in and not mandatory, and make it clear that people are truly free to opt out, and that no one is obligated to attend. As I note above, it's fine to "nudge" people to attend, but no one should feel "shoved"–this will make it a safer environment for everyone.

Convey your intentions in this invitation. The goal is not to obtain consensus or to get everyone to agree on any particular position. The goal is not to "solve" the problem. The goal is empathy. This will require people to make disclosures, to explain the world as they see it, and to talk about their feelings. This will require listening to understand those feelings, and the suspension of any judgments that may arise along the way. This will require expressing that understanding, in words that ensure that others feel heard. This will not require agreement. Setting these expectations will help people decide how and whether to participate, and will enable them to aim toward a successful outcome.

8. The Agenda

Consider how you want to develop the agenda. You could simply craft it and present it to your employees–this will be simplest, but it may also be a missed opportunity to build commitment. An alternative could be to invite the most interested members of your team to join you in a working session to co-create the agenda. This will also help ensure that you surface ideas about what people would like to do with the time, rather than simply making assumptions about what they think would be best. Yet another option would be to conduct a survey to gather input. However you determine your agenda, circulate it in advance. This will also help people determine whether and how to participate, and will make it feel safer by giving people visibility into what will happen.

9. Logistics

  • Timing: You don't want people to feel rushed, and you don't want it to last too long. An hour is probably the minimum, but two will probably feel taxing–90 minutes may be a good compromise.
  • Configurations: Consider having people participate in multiple configurations over the course of the discussion, such as pairs or small groups, in addition to the full group. This is one area in which working virtually on a platform like Zoom offers advantages, because you can move people into pairs or small groups and back into the main room very easily. The pairs and small groups can be assigned in advance, or chosen by the participants, or selected at random, but you'll want people to be prepared for the process.
  • Facilitation: The presence of an outside facilitator for such a discussion has pros and cons. They're not a member of the organization, which may make people feel less safe, but they may also be perceived as a source of expertise. Their presence will enable you to participate more freely, but if you're not aligned you may get in each other's way. I encourage clients to consider facilitating such discussions themselves, while recognizing that at times it's valuable to have an experienced partner.

10. Next Steps

Finally, be prepared to think of this as an ongoing dialogue, not necessarily a one-time event. The feelings evoked, both positive and negative, may not be fully resolved in a single session. There may be an appetite, and even a need, to continue the conversation. Consider how much time and energy you'll be able to devote to this effort, if any, beyond an initial discussion.

 

This is a companion piece to Talking With Colleagues About Suffering.


Footnotes

[1] The Blue Problem (Communication and Power)

[2] Safety Is a Resource, Not a Destination

[3] Compliance vs. Commitment (On Behavior Change)

[4] A Concept Analysis of Empathy (Theresa Wiseman, Journal of Advanced Nursing, 1996)

[5] Ibid.

[6] The Difficulty of Empathizing Up

[7] The Tyranny of Feelings

[8] Group Dynamics: Norms and Emotion

[9] Brené Brown, Vulnerability, Empathy and Leadership

 

For Further Reading

CONNECTIONS: Meaningful Virtual Conversations

 

Photo by Adam Cohn.

My Appearance with Brenda Bailey-Hughes

Brenda-Bailey-Hughes-Ed-Batista

Brenda Bailey-Hughes, who teaches at Indiana University's Kelley School of Business, often discusses the importance of empathy with her students, and a mutual colleague referred her to my work on empathy and accountability. Brenda was sufficiently intrigued that she invited me to join her on her LinkedIn Live podcast, and I really enjoyed our hour-long conversation. We covered my definitions of empathy and accountability, as well as the historical origins of the graph below in the work of Douglas McGregor, Jane Mouton and Roger Blake:

Accountability-and-Empathy

Many thanks to Brenda for having me, as well as to her colleague Shelby Merryweather for the technical support.

Media Appearances


My Appearance with Ryan Hawk on the Learning Leader

Learning-Leader-Podcast

On May 1st I conducted the 8,000th coaching session of my career, and my post on lessons learned came to the attention of Ryan Hawk, who’s been hosting the Learning Leader podcast for over 9 years. Ryan invited me to join him for Episode 592, and we discussed topics ranging from coaching and leadership to the elements of effective feedback.

Recorded June 6, 2024. Published July 21, 2024.


My Appearance on Coaching DNA with Travis Wyckoff

Travis-Wyckoff-Podcast

Travis Wyckoff usually hosts coaches and leaders from the world of athletics on his Coaching DNA podcast, so I was a little surprised to be invited to join him. But I’m glad I did, as I really enjoyed the conversation, which is split into two 40-minute segments:

Recorded September 5, 2024. Published September 25 and October 4, 2024.


My Appearance on The Leadership Podcast

The-Leadership-Podcast

Jan Rutherford and Jim Vaselopulos are coaches who’ve been co-hosting The Leadership Podcast continuously since 2016, and they recently invited me to join them for Episode 393. We discussed my unexpected move to a sheep and cattle ranch after 30 years in San Francisco; my former work at Stanford, including founding The Art of Self-Coaching and teaching Interpersonal Dynamics, aka “Touchy Feely”; and the leadership challenges I see regularly in my coaching practice.

Recorded November 29, 2023. Published January 24, 2024.


My Appearance with Tony Martignetti

Virtual-Campfire-with-Tony-Martignetti

Tony Martignetti is a coach and creator with a background in finance and strategy. One of the first questions he asks his guests is to describe a “flashpoint,” a moment in our life journey that shapes who we become, and this led me to recount my personal history and the winding path I followed through college. Later in the conversation we discuss themes in my work with clients, my life today on a farm, and books I recommend.

Recorded October 9, 2023. Published November 27, 2023.


My Appearance with Brenda Bailey-Hughes

Brenda-Bailey-Hughes-Ed-Batista

Brenda Bailey-Hughes, who teaches at Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business, often discusses the importance of empathy with her students, and a mutual colleague referred her to my work on empathy and accountability. Brenda was sufficiently intrigued that she invited me to join her on her LinkedIn Live podcast, and I really enjoyed our hour-long conversation. We covered my definitions of empathy and accountability, as well as the historical origins of the graph below in the work of Douglas McGregor, Jane Mouton and Roger Blake:

Accountability-and-Empathy

Many thanks to Brenda for having me, as well as to her colleague Shelby Merryweather for the technical support.

Recorded and streamed live October 25, 2023.


My Appearance with Daniel and Greg at OnGrowth

Serial entrepreneur Daniel Kivatinos and founder and Stanford PhD Greg Wientjes have hosted the OnGrowth podcast since 2017, and I was honored when they asked me to join them recently. It was a really fun conversation that covered a wide range of topics: my career at Stanford as an MBA student and Lecturer, the launch of my coaching practice, the difference between coaching and therapy, challenges faced by leaders in my practice, and what it’s like to work with me. Our 60-minute conversation is available on the following platforms:

Many thanks to Daniel and Greg for having me, and to the mentors and colleagues I mentioned: Andrea Corney, Carole Robin, David Bradford, Evelyn Williams, Garth Saloner, Mary Ann Huckabay, Rebecca Zucker, Ricki Frankel, Scott Bristol, and Vince Stehle. Thanks as well as the 1,000+ Stanford MBAs I had the honor of working with from 2007 to 2021.

Recorded August 3, 2023. Published October 9, 2023.


My Appearance with John Baldoni

Grace-Under-Pressure

My colleague John Baldoni is a highly experienced coach, a great ambassador for the field, an inspiring writer, and a generous champion of the work of others, so I was truly delighted to join him on Grace Under Pressure. Our 30-minute live interview was recorded and is available via YouTube or the following podcast platforms:

In addition to thanking John for the invitation, I want to thank the many teachers and mentors who made it possible for me to pursue coaching as a career, including Mary Ann Huckabay, Carole Robin, and Scott Bristol, who I mention in our interview. There are too many others to name, but I will always be in their debt.

Recorded and streamed live January 4, 2023.


My Appearance on the Re:Considering Podcast

ReConsidering-Podcast

I’m occasionally asked to appear on a podcast, and with the exception of my old friend and Stanford GSB classmate Agnes Le’s “Leading Edge Lab” last year–see below–I’ve always declined. But Meredith Black, Bob Baxley and Aarron Walter recently invited me to join them on Re:Considering, and I’m glad I said yes. Not only was I was honored to follow in the footsteps of three authors who’ve had a big influence on my own work–Brad Stulberg, Kieran Setiya, and Oliver Burkeman–but I also had a lot of fun 🙂

Recorded May 25, 2022. Published July 19, 2022.


My Appearance on the Leading Edge Lab

Executive coaches Agnes Le and Celine Teoh aren’t just colleagues–they’re also Stanford GSB classmates of mine. So I was delighted when they asked me to join them on their Leading Edge Lab podcast:

Recorded June 8, 2021. Published September 10, 2021 (Part 1) and October 14, 2021 (Part 2).

My Appearance with Daniel and Greg at OnGrowth

Serial entrepreneur Daniel Kivatinos and founder and Stanford PhD Greg Wientjes have hosted the OnGrowth podcast since 2017, and I was honored when they asked me to join them recently. It was a really fun conversation that covered a wide range of topics: my career at Stanford as an MBA student and Lecturer, the launch of my coaching practice, the difference between coaching and therapy, challenges faced by leaders in my practice, and what it’s like to work with me. Our 60-minute conversation is available on the following platforms:

Many thanks to Daniel and Greg for having me, and to the mentors and colleagues I mentioned: Andrea Corney, Carole Robin, David Bradford, Evelyn Williams, Garth Saloner, Mary Ann Huckabay, Rebecca Zucker, Ricki Frankel, Scott Bristol, and Vince Stehle. Thanks as well as the 1,000+ Stanford MBAs I had the honor of working with from 2007 to 2021.

Talking with Colleagues About Suffering

Crying by Christopher Matson xctmx 382513972 EDIT

A theme in my practice is the leader who's aware or senses that a colleague is suffering and would like to offer support but is unsure how to broach the topic–and a version of this occurs in my own work. In most cases when a client is suffering in some way our coaching sessions provide them with a setting in which they can express those feelings freely. But at times it's clear to me that a client is suffering and yet it's not the focal point of their agenda, or even on the agenda at all.

It's not my place to determine our agenda–that's the client's job–but it's not uncommon for people to want to talk about something while also feeling ambivalent about raising the topic. If I ignore my intuition and defer to their stated agenda, we might miss a meaningful opportunity. And yet the client must always feel a sense of agency in our work together.

It's complicated, but at least I have the benefit of being a coach, and in my relationships with clients it's expected that at times we'll explore troubling and even painful topics. But my clients may not have that kind of social contract with their colleagues, making it hard to know how to proceed when they sense that a co-worker is suffering. If you're in this situation, here are some suggestions:

Take the Initiative

Some people prefer to suffer in private, or they may be reluctant to discuss it with colleagues. They may resist or even resent our efforts to address the topic, and we should be careful to avoid "inflicting help." [1] But most of us tend to err on the side of caution, and while we tell ourselves we're "being sensitive," this also reflects our fear and anxiety. We're afraid that our efforts will be rebuffed, and we'll feel embarrassed. So instead we sit back and wait, hoping that when they need our help they'll ask for it.

Sometimes this is true…and sometimes it's not. The suffering person may in fact feel embarrassed themselves, and they may want us to relieve them of the burden of initiating the conversation. They may wonder if we see their suffering at all, or if we even care. Or they may conclude that this isn't the kind of relationship, or the kind of company, where we talk about such things.

So find the courage to take the initiative. This will be fraught, and it will feel risky, and sometimes you'll get it wrong. But you'll only improve your ability to sense the right time and to find the right language with practice. [2] Extend the invitation, and don't be discouraged if it isn't accepted at first. Try again later. Don't insist–the other person has to feel in control–but by signaling your interest you make it easier for them to respond when they're ready.

Normalize Vulnerability

Acknowledging suffering often evokes a sense of vulnerability in both parties. This is almost certainly true for the person who's suffering, who may believe that such acknowledgment is a form of weakness that will leave them feeling exposed and unsafe. They may worry that they'll be seen as less competent or capable, or that they'll be considered "emotional," a liability in many professional settings.

But this is also likely true for the leader seeking to offer support, particularly when it's unclear if such support will be welcome. The leader may lack experience in having these conversations, or this may be a new frontier in their relationship with this individual. Or the person's suffering may be apparent while the underlying cause is unknown, compounding the leader's uncertainty about whether or how to proceed.

The paradox is that in most settings expressions of vulnerability trigger an empathetic response, a mechanism that may be rooted in our evolutionary psychology. [3] This isn't guaranteed, of course, and it's necessary to take small steps at first and read the signs with care. A starting point is conveying any trepidation you might feel and letting the other person know that it's OK if they feel similarly.

Understand What's Needed

Leaders often rise to their position on the basis of their effectiveness as problem-solvers, and that's an identity as much as a skillset. In some circumstances colleagues are seeking a solution that will solve the problem, but much of the time there's none to be found, or at least not one that the leader can provide. This is certainly true of our greatest difficulties–a grievous illness, the loss of a loved one, a global crisis. [4]

If you find yourself in such a discussion there are many ways to offer useful help and support, but it's important to understand what the other person actually wants. Even when you don't have a definitive solution, they may still value your advice on how to address or think about the problem. But note the tendency of problem-solvers to offer advice, even when it hasn't been asked for.

Before jumping in to share your perspective, be sure to slow down and listen. The experience of truly feeling heard is surprisingly rare in organizational life, where people often listen in order to reply. Put your advice on hold, at least until it's requested, and just be fully present. You may find that this is sufficient.

And you may also find that something more is called for, even–and perhaps especially–when there's no advice to give and listening isn't enough. The other person may simply need a literal or virtual hug, which can be daunting territory to navigate in organizational life. While it's essential to be aware of and respect another person's boundaries, we can be so cautious about avoiding offense that we inadvertently appear callous. Tone of voice and body language can go a long way toward expressing the sentiment. A murmur, a sigh, a moment of silence, or holding our hand to our chest can speak volumes.

Why Bother?

All of this work is easier if we take steps early in our professional relationships to lay a foundation for more meaningful dialogue later on. One of the most straightforward ways for a leader to accomplish this is by scheduling regular one-on-ones with direct reports, honoring that commitment by minimizing cancellations or rescheduling, and ensuring that employees feel a sense of ownership over the agenda. [5] And yet it will still require effort and a modicum of risk, and a leader may well ask, Why bother?

One very pragmatic reason is that people who are suffering are incapable of doing their best work. They may be in the grip of a threat response, aka a "fight, flight or freeze response," which will impair creative thinking and render them more risk-averse and prone to distraction. [6] Talking about their distress and anxiety can play a significant role in helping them manage these feelings, enabling them to redirect their focus to other matters. [7]

I would add that our professional relationships have the potential to be sources of belonging and connection [8], not merely vehicles for value creation, and we realize this potential fully only when we're willing to have hard conversations. This doesn't mean that companies are "families"–I agree with Shopify CEO Tobias Lütke that this is an inappropriate metaphor, and that colleagues are best-served by viewing each other as fellow members of an elite team who earn their positions by virtue of their performance. [9]

Cultivating the ability to have hard conversations about suffering develops a set of skills that are equally valuable in hard conversations about performance: the courage to speak up, a sense for the right timing and the right language, comfort with vulnerability. This is yet another reason why "accountability and empathy are not mutually exclusive." [10]

 

This is a companion piece to Talking with Colleagues About Divisive Topics.


Footnotes

[1] Inflicting Help

[2] Conscious Competence in Practice

[3] Forget Survival of the Fittest: It Is Kindness That Counts (Dacher Keltner interviewed by David DiSalvo, Scientific American, 2009)

[4] This section is adapted from What Do You Need Right Now? (Advice, Listening, A Hug?).

[5] How to Have Better One-on-Ones

[6] Neuroscience, Leadership and David Rock's SCARF Model

[7] Talking About Feelings

[8] Abilene: Loneliness and Belonging in Organizational Life

[9] Shopify CEO email to managers: We are not a family (Tobias Lütke, internal email, 2020, shared by Lukas Naugle, LinkedIn, 2021)

[10] Accountability and Empathy (Are Not Mutually Exclusive)

 

Photo by Christopher Matson.

Fear of the Empty Chair, Part 3 (On Attrition)

Empty Chair by Votchitsev Viacheslav cluckva 6896043885 EDIT

In Fear of the Empty Chair, Part 1, I discuss the factors that cause leaders to mistakenly delay a necessary termination. In Part 2 I explore why leaders rush to fill an empty role when they should actually slow down. Here I address a third, related situation in which a leader's misplaced concerns can contribute to suboptimal outcomes: the unwanted departure of a valued employee, which I'll call attrition.

Leaders strive to avoid attrition for understandable reasons. Valued employees represent a substantial investment of time and effort, ranging from recruiting and hiring to onboarding, training, and management. They possess hard-earned institutional knowledge. And they've demonstrated their trustworthiness and sound judgment.

So a theme in my practice is how a leader can retain valued employees in order to ensure that the organization will continue to benefit from these qualities. But such retention efforts can go awry when a leader is so concerned about a potential departure that they make choices they later regret. What issues tend to arise in these circumstances, and if you're in a similar situation, what can you do about them?

Fighting Inflation

When a leader learns that a valued employee is thinking about leaving, they may feel that they're in a negotiation that they must win, and their response is to offer more: a bigger compensation package, a higher-status title, a broader scope of responsibilities.

In many cases these negotiations conclude successfully, and leader and employee resume their productive partnership, albeit on modified terms. But sometimes that "must-win" attitude causes a leader to offer too much. They retain the employee, but on inflated terms: a compensation package dramatically higher than the employee could command elsewhere, a title that outstrips their real level of expertise or authority, responsibilities that they're unable to truly fulfill.

If you're a leader in this position, what can you do? How can you fight inflation? The first step is assessing your attitude toward the negotiation. Roger Fisher and William Ury, founders of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, suggest an approach to ensure that you don't "win" a negotiation on inflated terms:

The reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating. What are those results? What is your BATNA–your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement? That is the standard against which any proposed agreement should be measured. This is the only standard which can protect you both from accepting terms that are too unfavorable and from rejecting terms it would be in your interest to accept… If you have not thought carefully about what you will do if you fail to reach an agreement, you are negotiating with your eyes closed. [1]

When you take a "must-win" approach, you assume that you have no BATNA, increasing the likelihood that you'll retain your employee on inflated terms. You'll "win" today but may well lose in the long run. I'm not suggesting that you make no effort to retain a valued employee, but, rather, that you reassess your options and calibrate the terms on offer accordingly. You may well find that what your employee really wants are other "currencies" that are less subject to inflation. [2]

Short-Term Pain vs. Long-Term Pain

As was the case in Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, a challenge leaders face when they learn that a valued employee is considering a transition is the assumption that the short-term pain will be greater than the long-term pain. This belief is at the root of a leader's assumption that they have no BATNA and must avoid attrition at all costs, so it's necessary to challenge its accuracy.

Seeing a valued employee leave will undoubtedly cause short-term pain in a variety of ways: the loss of their individual capabilities, a potentially expensive and time-consuming search, the prospect of a gap in continuity, and important work going undone. But leaders sometimes fail to appreciate that their efforts to avoid short-term pain may make the long-term pain even worse.

Retaining an employee on inflated terms can have far-reaching effects. Compensation packages don't always remain confidential, and when significant discrepancies come to light other employees will be rightfully upset. Titles are by definition visible, and raising one person's status can make others feel that they've been demoted, triggering a cascade of discontent. [3] And employees who are "over-scoped" tend to under-perform, making it necessary to level them [4] or manage them out. [5]

If you're a leader facing the departure of a valued employee, balance the value of their retention against the costs of the means required to do so. And some of these costs may not be evident for a length of time, requiring you to project into the future and think well beyond this specific individual.

Irreplaceable?

The anxiety leaders experience in the face of attrition is exacerbated when they imagine that the employee is "irreplaceable" in some way, and on occasion this fear has merit. I've worked with many leaders whose valued employees included co-founders, personal friends, or family members. Those unique individuals couldn't be replaced, nor could the unique relationships the leader enjoyed with them. Leaders may also view an employee as truly mission-critical, fearing that their departure would permanently impair company performance or even, in extreme cases, cause it to fail.

If you're a leader facing the departure of someone you're close with, I appreciate your desire to avoid the loss of that person and your working relationship with them. And yet in my experience it's vital that a leader grow more comfortable with the inevitability of such departures. You can't replace unique individuals, but accepting that colleagues will come and go over time allows both you and the organization to be more adaptable in the face of change.

More generally, if you're concerned about company performance I'm not in a position to tell you that your anxiety is misplaced. It's conceivable that a particular employee is so essential to your business that you'll struggle to succeed without them, especially if you're at a very early stage of development. Should they depart, there will be some short-term pain, to be sure. But I launched my coaching practice in 2006, and I've never seen a company fail because of the departure of any one individual. I've concluded that organizations are often far more resilient than leaders think they are.

Optics

Even when leaders recognize that a valued employee isn't irreplaceable, they may be concerned about how a departure will be perceived by fellow employees, customers, investors, and other stakeholders. Leaders are right to pay close attention to the potential optics, as I wrote in Part 1 of this series, on terminations:

Perceptions matter, particularly for a growing company that may be facing a great deal of uncertainty. In this context leaders must attend closely to the narratives that surround the company and actively shape them through storytelling… The departure of an employee contributes to a company's narrative and may well be perceived negatively, particularly if they're a senior executive or have strong relationships with other employees or external stakeholders.

This is even more pertinent with attrition, and an unwanted departure may well raise questions about the company's future prospects and your capabilities as a leader. But the solution may not be to induce the person to stay–again, the costs may outweigh the benefits. As with terminations, the key is agreeing upon a shared public narrative that helps others make sense of this potentially troubling development, and this is generally easier to accomplish in the case of attrition.

The narrative shouldn't be false or misleading, but it will focus on certain reasons for the employee's departure at the expense of others. This allows the narrative to serve both parties' purposes, but it's also a function of the fact that all public discourse has a limited capacity for nuance and complexity. A shared public narrative must be true, but it need not encompass the whole truth.

The Risk of Changing Minds

Optimally a leader has some awareness that a valued employee is considering a transition, enabling them to intervene before any decisive commitments have been made. But sometimes a leader is completely surprised by an employee's sudden resignation or announcement of a new position. This may prompt a frantic effort to undo what's been done.

Not only is this likely to yield inflated terms, but there's also an inherent risk in trying to change someone's mind here. The employee was reluctant to be candid with the leader, or the leader was oblivious to the employee's discontent, or both. Reversing course won't necessarily change the circumstances that led to this outcome. I'm not suggesting that you should never try to talk someone out of leaving if they've tendered their resignation or accepted another role, but you should be circumspect about the possibility that it might happen again.

When a departure is unavoidable, the leader may seek to negotiate a lengthy transition. This can offer some benefits, but it will also come at a cost. Even a well-meaning employee will find it difficult to give best effort beyond a reasonable length of time, and people underestimate how quickly and dramatically motivation and power dynamics can change once an impeding departure has been made public. If you're a leader in this situation take care not to pressure a departing employee to agree to a transition period that's too long.

An Ounce of Prevention…

…is worth a pound of cure, as an astute letter-writer observed in one of Benjamin Franklin's newspapers. [6] Similarly, while efforts to "cure" unwanted departures can be quite expensive and even counter-productive, efforts to prevent them in the first place are generally much more economical. What does this look like in practice?

At the individual level, as a leader you should know the extent to which each of your direct reports are satisfied with their responsibilities, their compensation, and all other aspects of their role. Barring a sudden, unexpected change in an employee's life that may impact their feelings about work, if you're surprised to learn that a direct report is "loose in the socket," that's a managerial failure.

This is one reason not to have too many reports–while some employees will openly express dissatisfaction, many will not, and the leader needs to create the conditions for a more candid dialogue and actively inquire about an employee's fulfillment (or lack thereof.) The best means to accomplish this is holding regular one-on-ones that go beyond a tactical agenda and make sufficient room for an employee's concerns. [7]

At the team level, you should have a contingency plan for the potential departure of any given member. This involves maintaining a network of potential candidates, relationships with search firms, and an up-to-date assessment of skip-levels' capacity to replace their manager on an interim or permanent basis. And at the organizational level, a more strategic approach to People leadership can help a company increase retention, raise awareness of impending departures, and be better prepared to replace outgoing employees. [8] You should certainly strive to retain valued employees, but you need not live in fear of the empty chair.

 

This is a companion piece to the following:

Fear of the Empty Chair, Part 1 (On Terminations)

Fear of the Empty Chair, Part 2 (On Hiring)


Footnotes

[1] Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, page 100 (Roger Fisher and William Ury, 1992)

[2] Currencies (On Motivating Different People)

[3] Very Cheap, Then Very Expensive (On Job Titles)

[4] The Fine Art of Levelling

[5] Merciful Exits (On Under-Performing Executives)

[6] On Protection of Towns from Fire (The Pennsylvania Gazette, published by Benjamin Franklin, 1735)

[7] How to Have Better One-on-Ones

[8] The Truly Strategic People Leader

 

Photo by Votchitsev Viacheslav.

Drowning in Feedback

High Water by US Army Corp of Engineers usacehq 5526252755 EDIT

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it. In an information-rich world, most of the cost of information is the cost incurred by the recipient. It is not enough to know how much it costs to produce and transmit information; we must also know how much it costs, in terms of scarce attention, to receive it.

~Herb Simon [1]

A recent theme in my practice is a leader who feels overwhelmed by feedback purportedly intended to help them improve company and personal performance. Employee engagement surveys, executive 360s, performance reviews, NPS results…the list is long and growing, and the reports keep piling up. There's no shortage of feedback, and some leaders feel like they're drowning in it. What's happening here, and what can we do about it?

First, we can characterize feedback and its value as a source of learning using a schema articulated by the late Wharton professor and systems thinker Russell Ackoff, who described the distinctions among data, information, knowledge, understanding, and, ultimately, wisdom [2]:

Data are symbols that represent the properties of objects and events. Information consists of processed data, the processing directed at increasing its usefulness… Information is contained in descriptions, answers to questions that begin with such words as who, what, when, where, and how many. Knowledge is conveyed by instructions, answers to how-to questions. Understanding is conveyed by explanations, answers to why questions. [3]

The feedback processes noted above generate plenty of data and information. You can undoubtedly review the various reports at your disposal and answer any number of questions "that begin with such words as who, what, when, where, and how many." But if you're like my clients, this is the point at which things get more difficult.

You can surely glean some knowledge from these reports, extracting answers to some "how-to questions." And you may be able to obtain some understanding, uncovering explanations and formulating answers to a few "why questions." But these insights will be hidden from view, revealing themselves only after careful thought and reflection.

Such efforts will require time and freedom from distraction, qualities that may be in scarce supply in your environment. And by the point at which you've arrived at any meaningful level of understanding, there will probably be several more rounds of reports waiting for your review. You're already behind.

This dynamic reflects another aspect of "management information systems" that Ackoff observed: they reflect a series of mistaken assumptions that ensure "the continuing failure of most of these systems to satisfy the managers they are supposed to serve":

The first is: management's most critical information need is for more relevant information. This is false: management's most critical information need is for less irrelevant information… Most managers suffer from information overload and, as the overload increases, the amount of information they use in making decisions actually decreases. Most managers could not read all the written and printed material they receive even if they spent all their working hours in reading. Moreover, more than half the data and information they receive are unsolicited. [4]

I've observed this same pattern in some of my clients' working lives. The excessive amount of unsolicited feedback and the consequent inability to translate data and information into more useful knowledge and understanding is demoralizing. In some cases, leaders simply give up and stop trying to keep pace with the endless flow of reports. The more systems intended to yield improved performance, the less influence they actually have on leaders' behavior and decision-making.

These challenges only compound further should you try to take the final step up the ladder, transforming whatever knowledge and understanding you've obtained into true wisdom. Ackoff considered this quality exceedingly rare, comprising perhaps a fraction of a percent of the contents of the human mind. [5] But wisdom is worth pursuing because of its unique ability to generate value:

Information, knowledge, and understanding enable us to increase efficiency, not effectiveness. The efficiency of behavior or an act is measured relative to an objective… The value of the objective(s) pursued is not relevant in determining efficiency, but it is relevant in determining effectiveness. Effectiveness is evaluated efficiency. It is efficiency multiplied by value, efficiency for a valued outcome. Intelligence is the ability to increase efficiency; wisdom is the ability to increase effectiveness. [6]

So even when it's possible to distill knowledge and understanding from the vast quantities of available data and information, the net result will be the ability to pursue existing objectives more efficiently. This is valuable under many circumstances, but if you're like my clients, you're operating under dynamic conditions that render it necessary to regularly reassess your objectives. At such moments it's insufficient to ask, How can we do this more efficiently? One must ask, Why are we doing this at all? and What might we do instead?

If any of this resonates with you, what can you do about it? Here are some questions to ask and proposals to consider:

What is our feedback culture?

The proliferation of feedback systems and the generation of excess data and information that you're experiencing isn't happening in a vacuum, but in a specific organizational culture. In this context I refer to the definition provided by management professor Michael Watkins:

Culture is consistent, observable patterns of behavior in organizations… Culture is a process of "sense-making" in organizations [which] moves the definition of culture beyond patterns of behavior into the realm of jointly-held beliefs and interpretations about "what is…" Culture is a carrier of meaning. Cultures provide not only a shared view of "what is" but also of "why is." In this view, culture is about "the story" in which people in the organization are embedded, and the values and rituals that reinforce that narrative. [7]

So "drowning in feedback" is not only an "observable pattern of behavior," but also a manifestation of your organization's "narrative," the collective set of stories you and your colleagues tell yourselves about who you are, what you value, and why you do what you do. One story that's likely relevant here is the idea that "feedback is a gift," which I wholeheartedly reject–it's not a gift, it's data. [8]

Another potentially relevant story is the assumption that people aren't being candid and can't be trusted to speak up, so you have to rely on anonymous surveys and other instruments to obtain "the truth." While your organization may or may not be an environment in which it's safe to speak up, the idea that anonymity will yield objective "truth" is another idea that I reject. Anonymous feedback is hardly free from bias. [9]

There are no doubt other elements of your culture that are causing you to "drown in feedback," and no single initiative to solve the problem will succeed without addressing this broader context. To be clear, I'm not suggesting that you stifle efforts to provide feedback or stop seeking it out, but far too many organizations today have taken the concept of a "feedback-rich culture" to counter-productive extremes. [10]

How am I part of the problem?

You must also assess your own contributions to the generation of excess data and information in the form of surveys, 360s, reviews, and any other type of feedback that you request or initiate. The impulse underlying these processes is usually positive, springing from your desire to be helpful. But bear in mind Ackoff's warning: "Management's most critical information need is for less irrelevant information." You may be most helpful by providing less data and information, and by finding other ways to offer support, as I've written before:

Providing information is a form of caring and an effort to demonstrate our worth as leaders. We care about the people we're working with, and we want them to know that. We we want to feel competent in our roles and to know that we're adding value. But the excess information that we're shoveling at people is a proxy for these qualities, not the thing itself. [11]

And if you're a People Leader, such as a Chief People Officer or VP People Ops, you have a particularly important role to play. As I've noted before, "The People Leader must not only oversee the process of selecting and deploying [engagement surveys, performance assessments, and periodic review platforms], but to truly add value they need be able to help the CEO and other leaders interpret and act upon the resulting data." [12] Bear in mind that merely generating more data is not the solution, as noted by Herb Simon, the late computer scientist, economist and psychologist who comments open this essay:

The proper aim of a management information system is not to bring the manager all the information [they need], but to reorganize the manager's environment of information so as to reduce the amount of time [they] must devote to receiving it. [13]

How will I transform data into wisdom?

No matter what role you occupy, your ability to influence the generation of excess data and information is limited. Most of my clients are CEOs, and even the most powerful at times find themselves at the mercy of the systems they ostensibly command. But you can still control your most precious resource–your attention.

Only your focused attention will transform data and information into knowledge and understanding and then, with patience, wisdom. But this entails cultivating a number of habits, starting with the awareness that your attention is finite, and it must be directed toward your most important tasks. My work with clients often involves the development of an "information ecosystem" in which they're more mindful of the many demands on their attention, their own tendencies toward distraction, and the necessity of filtering out much of the data at their disposal. [14]

Some of this work is as straightforward as managing your calendar to ensure that you have "longer blocks of uninterrupted time, free from distractions, to think creatively and to augment logical reasoning with intuition and inspiration." [15] This is simple to describe, and yet it will be difficult to put into practice, in part because the fact that your attention is a precious resource means that other people want more of it. But the hard work of protecting your attention in order to transform data into wisdom may be one of your greatest responsibilities as a leader.

 


Footnotes

[1] Designing Organizations for an Information-Rich World [PDF] (Herb Simon, pages 37-72 in Computers, Communications, and the Public Interest, Martin Greenberger, editor, 1971)

[2] In common usage this schema is condensed by omitting understanding, and the result is described as the DIKW Pyramid. Ackoff is often cited as the originator of the schema in a 1988 speech and 1989 article (noted below), but that's not entirely accurate. In The Origin of Data Information Knowledge Wisdom (DIKW) Hierarchy, Google researcher Nikhil Sharma notes that economist Milan Zeleny articulated a similar schema in a 1987 article, Management support systems: Towards integrated knowledge management, and that engineer and author Mike Cooley did the same in his 1987 book Architect or Bee? The Human Price of Technology. Sharma also cites a 1982 article by diplomat and information theorist Harlan Cleveland, and although I can't locate the article itself, the illustration that accompanied it is reproduced at the top of Sharma's paper.

I haven't explored these other sources any further, so I don't know whether their various schemas merely resemble one another, serving as variations on a theme, or whether Ackoff built directly on one or more of them. Apparently there are even more possible progenitors, including versions by geographer Yi-Fu Tuan and historian Daniel Bell, cited by Cleveland. However, as Sharma notes, they probably all owe a debt to these lines from T.S. Eliot's 1934 play "The Rock":

All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance,
All our ignorance brings us nearer to death,
But nearness to death no nearer to GOD.
Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

[3] From Data to Wisdom [PDF] (Russell Ackoff, Presidential Address to the International Society for General Systems Research, St. Louis, June 1988). An edited version of this speech was published the following year as a journal article, From Data to Wisdom (Russell Ackoff, Journal of Applied Systems Analysis, 1989), also available in Ackoff's Best: His Classic Writings on Management (1999). My citations here draw from both versions–this passage is from the 1989 article.

[4] Ackoff, 1988.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Ackoff, 1989.

[7] What Is Organizational Culture? (Michael Watkins, Harvard Business Review, 2013)

[8] Feedback Is Not a Gift

[9] The Problem with Anonymous Feedback

[10] For more on a "feedback-rich culture":

[11] Stop Providing Too Much Information

[12] Simon.

[13] The Truly Strategic People Leader

[14] A Better Information Diet

[15] How to Think (More on Open Space and Deep Work)

 

Photo by U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

How to Have Better One-on-Ones

Two Kids by World Bank Photo Collective worldbank 3487484674 EDIT

One-on-one meetings with employees are seemingly among a leader's most straightforward tasks. Two colleagues have yet another conversation about work–what could be simpler? But a theme in my practice is that a more deliberate approach to one-on-ones can turn them from perfunctory exchanges into much higher sources of leverage. [1] If you're a leader who'd like to hold better one-on-ones, here are some questions to ask yourself and a set of proposals to consider:

If you're not holding formal one-on-ones, why not?

Andy Grove, the late CEO of Intel, noted that managers from other companies viewed formal one-on-ones as unnecessary, telling him, "I don't need scheduled meetings with my supervisor [or subordinate]; I see [them] several times a day." [2] I sometimes work with early-stage CEOs who feel similarly and view formal one-on-ones as superfluous bureaucracy. But this approach has several problems.

Even when you're communicating frequently with employees, it's likely that those interactions are highly tactical, with with little time devoted to more strategic issues, and no time at all to address the quality of your working relationship or anything of similar complexity. And, as Grove continued, "there is an enormous difference between a casual encounter by a supervisor and subordinate, or even a meeting to resolve a specific problem, and a one-on-one." [3]

The absence of formal one-on-ones means that when you do schedule a meeting to address a bigger challenge, you signal to your employees that such events are for "tough conversations," rendering them more stressful and less likely to succeed. (And this may be equally true when an employee schedules a one-on-one with you.)

Alternatively, holding formal one-on-ones on a regular basis normalizes the experience, allowing you and your employees to grow more comfortable addressing complex or difficult topics. Simultaneously, it highlights that this is a particular type of conversation and not just an ordinary meeting, motivating both you and your employees to be more thoughtful about how you prepare and participate.

Who merits a one-on-one?

Having formalized the process, it's important to assess how you're allocating the time you have available for one-on-ones, which is one of your organization's most precious resources. This isn't self-aggrandizing–it's simply a consequence of the fact that your attention is finite. [4] And a one-on-one meeting involves a major "investment" of attention from which you should expect a substantial "return," just as you would with any other limited resource. [5]

In addition to meeting with their direct reports, some of my clients initiate or make themselves available for skip-level one-on-ones with more junior employees. This practice can provide you with a new perspective on the organization, but it comes with potential dilemmas. It doesn't scale, and can leave you spread too thin. It can also short-circuit normal managerial channels–although if you have concerns about one of your direct reports, this may be the point.

I've had clients who levelled an employee and offered ongoing one-on-ones as a way to cushion the blow, but again, this doesn't scale and is generally a short-term fix. The key is recognizing that people want the leader's attention because it's a valuable resource, and beyond a certain point in your career it's unlikely that you'll be able to meet this demand entirely without compromising on other responsibilities.

What's the appropriate cadence? How long should a one-on-one last?

Here Grove offers some useful guidelines:

How often should you have one-on-ones? Or put another way, how do you decide how often somebody needs such a meeting? The answer is in the job- or task-relevant maturity of each of your subordinates. In other words, how much experience does a given subordinate have with the specific task at hand? This is not the same as the experience they have in general…

The subordinate should feel that there is enough time to broach and get into thorny issues… I feel that a one-on-one should last an hour at a minimum. Anything less, in my experience, tends to make the subordinate confine themselves to simple things that can be handled quickly. [6]

Given that your employees' "job- or task-relevant maturity" likely varies, the cadence of regular one-on-ones need not be uniform, nor is there a single best practice. Most of my clients hold weekly one-on-ones with most of their direct reports, but meeting every other week is also common. A longer cadence with direct reports is less typical, but skip-level one-on-ones are often monthly or quarterly. Ultimately it's up to you and each employee to determine what works best.

The key is predictability, so you should only ever cancel or reschedule a one-on-one as a last resort. If you do this repeatedly you send a very clear message that it's a low-priority event, and your employees will act accordingly. And if you have a direct report who's reluctant to hold one-on-ones or who cancels on you, this merits further investigation. It may be a sign of a deeper problem in the relationship [7], or it may simply be that the quality of your one-on-ones needs to be improved. Make clear your desire for one-on-ones to be valuable to them, solicit feedback on your current arrangements, and enlist them in joint problem-solving.

What's on the agenda? How should we prepare?

As with cadence, there's no universal template for agenda-setting or preparation, but there are some general principles to bear in mind. Grove stresses that the employee should feel a sense of ownership:

A key point about a one-on-one: It should be regarded as the subordinate's meeting, with its agenda and tone set by [them]… So the [subordinate] should be asked to prepare an outline, which is very important because it forces them to think through in advance all of the issues and points [they] plan to raise. Moreover, with an outline, the supervisor knows at the outset what is to be covered and can therefore help to set the pace of the meeting according to the "meatiness" of the items on the agenda. An outline also provides a framework for supporting information, which the subordinate should prepare in advance. The subordinate should then walk the supervisor through all the material.

What should be covered in a one-on-one?… The most important criterion governing matters to be talked about is that they be issues that preoccupy and nag the subordinate. These are often obscure and take time to surface, consider, and resolve. [8]

Claire Hughes Johnson, the former COO of Stripe, expresses similar sentiments:

I generally tell folks, especially more experienced people, that the 1:1 is their time. We set up a mutual doc that we can both edit, and we track action items and link out to goals and career conversation notes. Beyond that, I ask the individual to propose each 1:1 agenda, and I only edit the doc to add in agenda item suggestions when I have them. [9]

When your employees own the agenda, not only is this much more efficient for you, it also ensures that the discussion will focus on issues that are most important to them. But having your employees set the agenda doesn't mean that you have no input, as Grove and Hughes Johnson make clear. You can also give feedback to an employee on the quality of their agenda if you conclude that the time isn't being well-spent. My clients who've asked their employees to take responsibility for agenda-setting typically find it a useful exercise in revealing who's well-prepared and who's not.

A particular form that lack of preparation can take is the employee who treats the one-on-one primarily or even exclusively as a vehicle to report out. If you find yourself listening to extensive updates that should have been written reports or automated dashboards for you to review in advance, you can let them know that it's a missed opportunity to have a more meaningful dialogue.

How should one-on-ones be conducted? What role should I play as leader?

An employee who sets the agenda and provides you with sufficient time to digest any preparatory materials enables you to add value not by directing the conversation or even having answers to all their questions, but by posing questions yourself. While there are limits on the extent to which you can serve as an employee's "coach," you can readily employ coaching as a methodology. [10] This not only scales, it also allows you to add value in one-on-ones even with senior employees who possess specialized expertise that you lack. Grove recommended what he called "dialectic management":

What is the role of the supervisor in a one-on-one? They should facilitate the subordinate's expression of what's going on and what's bothering them. The supervisor is there to learn and to coach… How is this done? By applying Grove's Principle of Dialectic Management, "Ask one more question!" When the supervisor thinks the subordinate has said all they want to say about a subject, [the supervisor] should ask another question. [11]

And your questions should include inquiring about your employee's state of mind and well-being. Hughes Johnson notes that a one-on-one should always begin by "asking how someone is doing–checking in really matters." [12] Grove firmly agrees: "The supervisor should also encourage the discussion of heart-to-heart issues during one-on-ones, because this is the perfect forum for getting at subtle and deep work-related problems." [13]

It's by attending to the logistical details above that you create an environment in which employees are willing to truly tell you how they're doing and be candid with you on "heart-to-heart" issues. Holding formal one-on-ones that are rarely cancelled or rescheduled and for which both of you are fully prepared goes a long way toward creating the psychological safety that's necessary for real openness. This doesn't mean that you should avoid contentious issues, as I've noted previously:

Psychological safety entails candid and direct communication. It requires asking and answering hard questions. It does not mean "being nice." It does not mean avoiding difficult conversations or fraught topics to ensure that no one experiences distress. To the contrary, a setting in which people are reluctant to be candid and direct for fear of triggering any distress in others is psychologically unsafe. [14]

I opened with the idea that better one-on-ones can be a great source of leverage for a leader, and I'll close with Grove's thoughts on the same subject:

What is the leverage of a one-on-one? Let's say you have a one-on-one with your subordinate every two weeks, and it lasts one and a half hours. Ninety minutes of your time can enhance the quality of your subordinate's work for two weeks, or for some eighty-plus hours, and also upgrade your understanding of what [they're] doing. Clearly one-on-ones can exert enormous leverage. [15]

 


Footnotes

[1] 1x 10x 100x (On Leverage)

[2] High Output Management, page 73 (Andy Grove, 1st edition, 1983)

[3] Ibid.

[4] Beyond Simple Multi-Tasking: Continuous Partial Attention (Linda Stone, 2009)

[5] Growth, Profitability and Return on Attention

[6] Grove, pages 73-74.

[7] Better Working Relationships

[8] Grove, page 75.

[9] Scaling People: Tactics for Management and Company-Building, page 399 (Claire Hughes Johnson, 2023)

[10] For more on coaching as a leadership tool (and its limitations), see the following:

[11] Grove, pages 75-76.

[12] Hughes Johnson, page 399.

[13] Grove, page 77.

[14] Safety Is a Resource, Not a Destination

[15] Grove, page 77-78.

 

Photo by World Bank Photo Collective.

Defensiveness Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Boxing by West Point west_point 25327162015 EDIT

A theme in my practice is defensiveness, which I define as an unwillingness to accept responsibility for setbacks, characterized by a disproportionately hostile, anxious or evasive response to critical feedback. When it arises as a topic I’m usually working with a client who’s figuring out how to deal with a defensive employee or colleague, but occasionally I have a client who’s been accused of defensiveness and is wondering what to do in response.

The key word in the definition above is “disproportionate.” When someone is slightly hostile, anxious or evasive in response to critical feedback, we don’t think of them as “defensive.” Critical feedback is stressful under the best of circumstances. [1] So when someone responds with curiosity and calm we view that as a sign of maturity and professionalism, but a moderately negative response is normal and expected.

And yet we also expect this negative response to be temperate and short-lived. It’s only when the other person’s hostility, anxiety or evasion seem excessively emotional or unduly persistent that we label them as “defensive.” This is highly contextual, determined by the surrounding cultural norms, our relationship with the other person, and our individual standards. What qualifies as defensiveness is truly in the eye of the beholder. So what are the implications of all this, and what can we do about it?

When You’re Dealing with a Defensive Person

Don’t call them “defensive.”

Don’t even use the word, as it will only make the situation worse. Bear in mind that they don’t think of themselves as “defensive”–no one ever does–so being labeled as such will feel to them like an unjustified accusation and amplify the negative emotions they’re already having difficulty managing. You may be perfectly justified in thinking of them as defensive, but keep it to yourself, at least for the moment.

In the present moment, de-escalate.

Defensiveness emerges in response to unexpected bad news, and you and your counterpart may be facing an immediate crisis. In this moment your task is to help them de-escalate their threat response and regain the ability to regulate their emotions. [2] Slow down–choose your words thoughtfully, make decisions judiciously, be mindful of how you might be contributing to their sense of threat. [3] In some circumstances, encouraging the other person to discuss what they’re feeling can help them down-regulate those feelings. [4]

As soon as possible, make it a learning opportunity.

When the sense of urgency has abated–but before so much time has passed that the details have grown hazy–make use of this situation as a learning opportunity for the other person. At this point it may be useful to acknowledge that you perceived their response as defensive, but don’t stop there. Offer behaviorally-specific feedback that allows the other person to gain a new perspective on their response and understand why you experienced it as counter-productive. [5]

In the meantime, clarify your own lessons.

There’s undoubtedly ample learning here for you as well. Why did this bad news come as such a surprise to the other person? How did you share it with them? If you hired them, why did you fail to identify their defensiveness in the process? [6] How successful were you at de-escalating their defensiveness? Did you inadvertently make it worse, and if so, how? And if you’re repeatedly encountering defensiveness over time, that merits a look in the mirror. Just because defensiveness is in the eye of the beholder doesn’t mean it’s always a fair or reasonable perception.

When You’ve Been Accused of Defensiveness

Don’t make it worse by rejecting the label.

You almost certainly don’t feel defensive, nor is that how you would describe your behavior, and it’s unfortunate that the other person has chosen to label you this way. But reflexively responding, “I’m NOT defensive!” will only be perceived as further evidence of your defensiveness. Remember that defensiveness is in the eye of the beholder, and the fact that you feel unfairly maligned has no bearing on the other person’s belief in the validity of their perspective.

If you haven’t heard this very often, it’s a learning opportunity.

It’s likely that the behaviors being perceived as “defensive” are the result of your surprise and disappointment at encountering an unexpected setback. If you’ve enjoyed sustained success in your career, this may be the first time that you’ve experienced a meaningful failure. And if you’ve rarely (or never) been called defensive before, you’re learning that your responses to setbacks are perceived as problematic by this person at this moment. As challenging as it may seem, this presents you not only with an opportunity to transform setbacks into fruitful experiences [7], but also to accelerate your overall growth and development. [8]

If you’ve heard this repeatedly, take it very seriously.

Learning opportunities sometimes come at a cost, and being called defensive can be career-limiting if the label sticks. When I’m working with a client who’s hiring to fill a role, I encourage them to test for defensiveness in the interview process because defensive people can have such a corrosive effect on company culture, and it’s difficult if not impossible to get them to change. [9] If this person has perceived you as defensive multiple times, it’s a signal to invest in your working relationship. [10] And if you’ve been called defensive at multiple points in your career, consider whether a failure to take responsibility is holding you back professionally. [11]

No matter what, it’s feedback, and feedback is data.

Being called defensive is a form of feedback, and like much feedback, it can be stressful, confusing and unwelcome. As I’ve noted before, feedback isn’t a “gift” that we should automatically express appreciation for, but it is potentially valuable data that merits investigation to assess its utility. [12] You’re not obligated to agree with this feedback, nor are you required to take any particular action in response, but consider the extent to which you trust this person’s judgment and value their opinion of you. Should you conclude that they’re trustworthy and acting in good faith, thank them for taking the risk to speak up, and ask them to tell you more. [13]

 


Footnotes

[1] For more on feedback and stress, see the following:

[2] The Tyranny of Feelings

[3] How Leaders Create Safety (and Danger)

[4] Talking About Feelings

[5] How to Deliver Critical Feedback

[6] Surfacing Defensiveness (Three Questions for Candidates)

[7] The Ruling Out of Possibilities (On Failure)

[8] Learning How to Learn

[9] Surfacing Defensiveness (Three Questions for Candidates)

[10] Better Working Relationships

[11] The Trium Group on Responsibility

[12] Feedback Is Not a Gift

[13] Risk Management (The Importance of Speaking Up)

 

Photo by West Point.

Currencies (On Motivating Different People)

Currencies by Philip Brewer bradipo 1435739708 EDIT

A theme in my practice is the leader who's seeking to increase employee motivation. In this context it's important to bear in mind the work of Frederick Herzberg, a 20th century psychologist who had a profound influence on our understanding of motivation in organizational life. Herzberg offers a sharp critique of the conventional approaches to motivation, which he refers to as "kicks in the ass" or KITA. These aren't only negative, in the form of criticism or threats–they can also be positive, in the form of desirable rewards:

Let us consider motivation. If I say to you, "Do this for me or the company, and in return I will give you a reward, an incentive, more status, a promotion, all the quid pro quos that exist in the industrial organization," am I motivating you? The overwhelming opinion I receive from management people is, "Yes, this is motivation." I have a year-old schnauzer. When it was a small puppy and I wanted it to move, I kicked it in the rear and it moved. Now that I have finished its obedience training, I hold up a dog biscuit when I want the schnauzer to move. In this instance, who is motivated–I or the dog? The dog wants the biscuit, but it is I who want it to move. Again, I am the one who is motivated, and the dog is the one who moves. In this instance all I did was apply KITA frontally; I exerted a pull instead of a push. When industry wishes to use such positive KITAs, it has available an incredible number and variety of dog biscuits (jelly beans for humans) to wave in front of employees to get them to jump. [1]

Herzberg is exaggerating for comic effect here–I don't think he ever kicked his dog. [2] But his larger point holds: rewards like dog biscuits and jelly beans may result in movement, but that's not the same thing as motivation. This doesn't mean rewards are irrelevant as incentives, but a key in deploying them effectively is understanding that there are two different types of motivation, intrinsic (deriving from the work itself) and extrinsic (deriving from by-products of the work or aspects of the environment in which work occurs). As I've written before,

Herzberg's research suggests that job satisfaction and dissatisfaction aren't endpoints on a single spectrum, but two distinct scales. Satisfaction is derived from sources of intrinsic motivation such as a sense of achievement, recognition, responsibility, and opportunities for growth. In contrast, sources of extrinsic motivation (also known as "hygiene factors") such as working conditions, compensation, status, and security generate dissatisfaction if they're perceived as inadequate. [3]

But this understanding only gets a leader so far. Intrinsic motivators increase job satisfaction, and a sufficiency of extrinsic motivators prevent job dissatisfaction–but what does this look like in practice? If you're a leader seeking to increase employees' motivation, what can you do? Leadership experts Allan Cohen and David Bradford offer some suggestions. [4] In Influence Without Authority they articulate a set of principles and frameworks to support the development of stronger working relationships and more effective collaboration. [5] Although the title indicates that they're writing for people who lack directive control, I find their ideas highly relevant in my work with leaders. My clients are typically in senior positions, but their employees expect a high degree of latitude and autonomy, and leadership in these settings rarely involves "giving orders." [6]

One of Cohen and Bradford's most useful concepts related to motivation is what they call currencies: "resources that can be exchanged [as] the basis for acquiring influence." The list below is adapted from Chapter 3 in Influence Without Authority, "Goods and Services: The Currencies of Exchange." I've followed Cohen and Bradford's general schema, while modifying some of their terminology.


Inspiration-Related

1. Vision: A compelling view of the company's future and a description of how someone could contribute to its accomplishment.

2. Excellence: Opportunities to work at the highest standards of achievement.

3. Values: Opportunities to pursue moral or ethical virtues through work.

Task-Related

4. Resources: Additional budget, personnel, technology, space, etc.

5. Challenge: Opportunities to pursue difficult goals and develop enhanced skills and capabilities.

6. Assistance: The ability to delegate unwanted duties or obtain support in facing difficulties.

7. "Air Cover": Public or private help in influencing decision-makers and overcoming resistance.

8. Speed: Confidence that requests and inquiries will be met with a rapid response.

9. Information: Access to restricted or private organizational knowledge.

Position-Related

10. Recognition: Public or private acknowledgment of effort, accomplishments or abilities.

11. Visibility: Opportunities to be known by and interact with senior figures.

12. Reputation: A positive image that opens doors to additional opportunities.

13. Status: Participation in select groups or events.

14. Contacts: The ability to join or build a larger or more valuable network.

Relationship-Related

15. Inclusion: Feelings of closeness and emotional intimacy with specific individuals or groups.

16. Understanding: Opportunities to voice concerns and feel heard.

17. Kindness: Thoughtful and timely expressions of support during difficulties.

Personal

18. Gratitude: Expressions of appreciation in the form of thanks, deference, or a recognition of indebtedness.

19. Ownership: An intrinsically fulfilling sense of control and responsibility.

20. Affirmation: Reinforcement of a person's values, beliefs, sense of identity or self-worth.

21. Comfort: The minimization of headaches, hassles, interruptions or embarrassment.


If you're seeking to increase employee motivation, Cohen and Bradford's inventory offers a wide range of potential interventions–and here's where it's important to apply Herzberg's insights. Any number of the currencies above can be dispensed like "dog biscuits or jelly beans," but will the result be motivation or merely movement? When people move in response to a promised reward, that's a form of compliance, but motivation springs from a deeper level of commitment. And as I've written before,

Compliant people remain so only as long as they aren't too dissatisfied, but the absence of punishment and the promise of rewards doesn't generate sustained motivation. Committed people are motivated, and the fulfillment they find in the pursuit of their aims makes them more likely to persist in the face of difficulties. [7]

Herzberg indicates that the most significant intrinsic motivators are "[a sense of] achievement, recognition for achievement, the work itself, responsibility, and growth or advancement," while the most significant extrinsic motivators are "company policy and administration, supervision, interpersonal relationships, working conditions, salary, status, and security." [8] Some of Cohen and Bradford's currencies fall readily into one category or the other, but in many cases the distinction is unclear or may be highly contextual.

None of this is to suggest that intrinsic motivators are somehow superior, but recall that Herzberg originally dubbed extrinsic motivators "hygiene factors" to express his finding that sufficiency prevented dissatisfaction, but a surplus didn't necessarily yield more satisfaction. This is where I see many leaders make a category error–they're surprised when increases in compensation or status don't result in sustained motivation, and yet that's common with extrinsic factors that are subject to the process of hedonic adaptation. [9]

But all of this guidance needs to be assessed in light of the needs and preferences of the specific individuals you're seeking to motivate. Herzberg's work can be viewed as a map to help you navigate these issues, and yet, as with all findings from social psychology, "the map is not the territory." [10] Hopefully Cohen and Bradford's inventory expands the possibilities under your consideration, but what ultimately matters isn't whether a given currency is intrinsic or extrinsic in an abstract sense, but the value it holds for a particular employee.

 

This is a companion piece to the following:


Footnotes

[1] One More Time: How Do You Motivate Employees? (Frederick Herzberg, Harvard Business Review, originally published 1968, republished 2003)

[2] I don't really know anything about how Herzberg felt about dogs. But he helped liberate Dachau as 22-year-old U.S. Army sergeant, an undoubtedly searing experience that influenced his interest in motivation, and I'd like to think that such a man would only be kind to animals.

[3] Compliance vs. Commitment (On Behavior Change)

[4] David Bradford has been an important mentor to me.

[5] Influence Without Authority (Allan Cohen and David Bradford, 2nd edition, 2005)

[6] Force Isn't Power

[7] Compliance vs. Commitment (On Behavior Change)

[8] Herzberg, 1968/2003

[9] Stop Trying to Be "Good Enough" by "Getting Better"

[10] The Map Is Not the Territory

 

Photo by Philip Brewer.